I have three sons. I would do anything for them. So in Ezra—about a father who kidnaps his autistic son from his ex-wife—I was interested in this idea that this guy would do anything, including taking his son away, until he could figure out exactly what the best thing was for him.

Rose [Byrne, his partner and costar in Ezra] and I are not always on the same page. We tend to not argue in the moment, particularly with two boys [ages 6 and 8] who are always around. They’re like court reporters—they remember everything, and they will play us off each other. So we put it aside and then have a conversation about it later.

Acting was always it for me. I flirted with being a firefighter after my oldest son was born [actor Jake Cannavale, 29, whom he had with his ex-wife, Jenny Lumet]. I was 24. I had been a bouncer and then a bartender, because I felt like being a door security guy was unsafe now that I had a child. But I thought I should get serious, be thinking of things like benefits and pensions. That didn’t last long, though. My buddy [writer-director] Tom McCarthy was, like, “Dude, what are you talking about? Acting is all you ever wanted to do. All those firefighters are going to know you’re an actor, acting like you’re a firefighter. What are you going to do when the building’s burning?”

I used to be a workaholic. Then I had these two little boys in the last eight years. It’s just that old cliché about how time flies.... One minute, they won’t get out of your bed, the next, they’re not calling you back. And that happens like that. I can testify to that having gone through it with my first child 20 years ago. So I feel really lucky I’m getting another shot at it. I start to get really anxious, and my stomach starts to hurt if I’m not home by 5:30 or 6, where I’m supposed to be.

Generally, in this business, people want you to do the same thing—the thing that they think you’re successful at doing. And that’s OK for some people. But I’m just trying to flex every muscle that I don’t even know I have. I’m 54, and to be asked to do the off-Broadway musical Here We Are was a tremendously flattering thing. I sang and—I wouldn’t say I danced … but I moved! [Laughs.]

Before, I smoked. I never worked out. And then we had these kids and I was, like, I want to try to live forever. So I started eating better. I started lifting weights. And I quit smoking. At first I couldn’t do it. I tried everything. I was always that guy leaving functions to sneak a cigarette. Then I went to this hypnotist, and I guess I was susceptible, because after the third or fourth session, I never had the desire to smoke again.

“Think the best of people; if somebody doesn’t treat you well, don’t take it onboard. Assume that there’s something going on with them. Just try to lead with compassion—life is hard, and you guys have got it kind of easy, but most people don’t.” —As told to Judith Newman