As the years roll on and Gen Xers accumulate friends, as well as “friends” they rarely or never see, researchers are beginning to ask whether digital friendships can offer the same kinds of emotional and practical support as the old-fashioned kind. Does an online bestie really replace an in-person confidant?

Historically, a friend is someone who will help you get things done (think pitching in with home repairs or babysitting)—a phenomenon called “mutual obligation,” says James F. Richardson, a cultural anthropologist and author of Our Worst Strength: American Individualism and Its Hidden Discontents. Online-only friends can’t help you with those in-person tasks, for obvious reasons.

But another core aspect of developing a close friendship is gradual self-disclosure: opening up to share your private thoughts and feelings. In this sense, online friends can “absolutely” be real friends, says Justin Pere, a relationship counselor and certified sex therapist in Seattle. “But it’s important to consider whether those interactions meet your deeper emotional needs. Are you able to talk about hard things? Do you feel comforted or more connected after those chats?” he asks. “If it’s mostly surface-level or topic-specific, that still has value, but it may not fully replace the kind of relational nourishment that comes from broader, more emotionally present friendships.”

To get the most out of your online friendships, experts offer this advice:

Make a point to interact. If you’re just scrolling, you’re not offering friendship to others. Instead, share likes or comments. “The key is being intentional,” says Lona Choi-Allum, a senior research adviser with AARP Research. And if you need help that online pals can provide, such as prayers or a professional introduction, don’t be shy about posting a request.

Don’t try to read minds. If you make a post and don’t get the response you hoped for, assume a benign cause. “You might interpret silence as a snub. We’ve all done it,” says Anna Goldfarb, author of Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections. But you don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives. So give a little grace.

Delight in small exchanges. Research on so-called weak ties shows that even minor interactions with people you don’t know that well can contribute to well-being. So appreciate these exchanges for what they are—small ways you can share the human experience. Not every exchange has to be deep to be meaningful.

Beware of scammers. Fraudsters have begun to invade online communities, law enforcement officials have found. To avoid being scammed, be very wary about sending personal info (like your address or family details) to a person you know only from the internet. And if an online-only “friend” asks you for money, they’re not your friend at all.

Go beyond text. Social media works well when it’s used as a prompt to “go hang out,” says Richardson. But “hanging out” doesn’t need to be physical to deepen a friendship, Pere believes. It just needs to involve more than static words and pictures. Phone and video calls can trigger the same response. “Sustaining a deep connection often takes shared experiences, mutual care and some form of embodied presence,” Pere says, “whether that’s voice, video or time spent together.”