BETWEEN US
Margaret Guroff INTERIM EDITOR IN CHIEF
Love in a Time of Swindlers
It’s easier to become a fraud victim than you might think. AARP is here to help
YOU SO WANT to believe it’s real. When a lonely loved one told me about her new romance a couple of years ago, I was thrilled for her. He sounded like a fun guy, age-appropriate, affectionate. And, unlike the stereotypical dating-app scammer, he’d been willing to meet in person. In fact, he’d already moved into her place. Well, whirlwind romances do happen, right?
Then the red flags started flapping—though at first, she couldn’t see them. He was controlling. His temper would flare unpredictably. He accused her concerned kids of bad intentions. Finally, when he came to her with a legal document that could have given him access to her accounts, she realized he’d been manipulating her. It took a court order to get him to move out, and it took more than a year for her to stop kicking herself for having trusted him.
In this issue, our feature “Too Good to Be True” tells the story of a man who defrauded a series of romantic partners—and explains why it’s so easy for an intelligent and independent person to be deceived by such an operator. “People are surprised that someone who is clearly being abused or defrauded can’t see what’s happening,” says Executive Editor George Mannes, who edited the story. “But they shouldn’t be surprised. It’s human nature.”
For those who suspect the motivations of a new flame, family and friends can offer a crucial reality check, but there are also experts who can assist. The AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline (1-877-908-3360) provides free, nonjudgmental guidance from trained specialists. Along with advice about recognizing and recovering from fraud, the helpline offers peer victim support groups. Such groups can be especially useful to those who have fallen prey to romance scams, which can cause deep emotional harm by turning a victim’s loving and trusting nature against them.
AARP is committed to helping Americans 50 and older recognize all kinds of fraud, recover from its impact and keep their families safe from these pernicious crimes. The association’s recent efforts include:
▶︎ A YouTube series, Fraud Wars, that features true stories of fraud victims-turned-survivors, told in their own words. It’s a compelling course on how scammers operate—and how to escape their clutches. (Go to aarp.org/fraudwars to stream the series.)
▶︎ An early-warning system that identifies emerging scams. When calls to the AARP Fraud Watch Network Helpline indicate that scammers have developed a new tactic, the team spreads the word. (Sign up for biweekly Watchdog Alerts at aarp.org/fraudwatchnetwork or text the message “FWN” to 50757 on your phone.)
▶︎ Fraud education for bank employees. AARP’s BankSafe Initiative provides on-site training at major financial corporations so their employees can better understand the devastating impact fraud has on its victims—and, hence, the importance of recognizing the signs of financial abuse.
One of the most crushing aspects of being defrauded is shame. You feel like you should have known better. But these criminals have a playbook that evades logic. If they catch you at a vulnerable moment, they can short-circuit your judgment. And when love is involved, it’s sometimes easier to forgive the scammer than to forgive yourself.
That’s why I’m so grateful to the women who were willing to talk to our reporter about the serial romance scammer. When victims tell their stories, they protect others—and begin to heal themselves.
