Q: My husband and I offered to pay for our son’s wedding, but we made the mistake of not giving him a budget. The choices he has made are very expensive—a high-end caterer, a 12-person band, even a wedding cake that costs $1,500! How do we set a spending limit at this point?

Asking to have a conversation is a great way to begin, since it sets a tone of respect and ensures you can speak with your son when he can be attentive. Be clear about what you want to discuss: “Seth, I’d like to have a conversation with you about the wedding expenses.”

Once you’re together (or on a call), be both candid and kind, drawing confidence from the fact that you are in control of your own finances. “I want to apologize,” you might say. “I’m sorry that, in the excitement of your engagement, we didn’t set a budget for your wedding and what your father and I are willing to contribute. I realize that can make wedding planning more difficult. We are going to give you a lump sum of what we’re willing to contribute to the wedding, and you and Joanie can spend it how you wish.” (Whether you’re more comfortable with a lump sum or paying for specific expenses, being clear is key.)

Why apologize? Because you have caused, albeit unintentionally, a misconception, and your kid might feel blindsided. Even if his expectations were unrealistic—we’re talking eye-poppingly unrealistic—he and his fiancée have spent time in a dreamland, and receiving this information could feel like you’re pulling a 180 on them.

Have this difficult conversation as soon as possible. Delaying will only give your son and his partner more time to fall in love with things that are outside your budget. It will also increase the chances that less expensive options will be booked up.

Then, when the special day arrives, celebrate! And treat yourself to a nice, big slice of that wedding cake.

Q: My wife and I enjoy going out to dinner with another couple, but there’s an issue. We don’t drink, but our friends do. They often order several cocktails or a bottle of wine for themselves, which adds a lot to the bill. We don’t think we should be responsible for splitting the check 50-50. Are we being total cheapskates?

Total cheapskates you are not.

Whenever someone orders more food or alcohol, etiquette dictates that they acknowledge it and offer to get separate checks. It’s also traditional for the person who extends the dinner invitation to foot the bill, but that’s often not how we organize dining out with friends. We typically make plans more casually, and we don’t discuss how the bill will be handled. Also, people often don’t notice that they ordered more food or drinks than their companions.

I recommend addressing the topic before your next outing. That way, everyone goes into the meal knowing what to expect.

Be concise: “I know in the past we’ve split the bill, but since Allison and I aren’t drinking, we’d love to grab separate checks.” If you forget to broach the topic in advance, use the same line at the end of the meal.

A fair split is a perfectly reasonable request, so don’t feel embarrassed or awkward asking for separate checks. And if your friends balk, maybe it’s best to enjoy your meals with them at home.

Q: People often send me presents that I don’t like, and I’m looking for ways to save money. Is it OK to give a gift I received to someone else, or is regifting bad manners?

When done well, regifting can be a kind gesture that reduces waste. But when done poorly, it can result in hurt and resentment for both the recipient and the person who gave you the gift. I’ve heard of some doozies, including people who regifted a present to the person who gave them the gift. Oof! Not a fun moment for anyone involved.

Gift giving should be a thoughtful, joyous experience. A regifted item can check that box. But it’s all in how you approach it. If you’ve received a gift that you already have, it’s OK to give the new one to someone else as a present. It’s also fine to regift something you received years ago—such as a watch, a piece of artwork or a special keepsake—that you cherished but are ready to pass on to a loved one.

Avoid the “convenience regift,” where you regift something simply because you don’t like it and want to get rid of it. That makes it all about you and not about them—the antithesis of what gift giving should be. You’re also cheating yourself out of the wonderful feeling of giving a gift you know the recipient will enjoy.

As for whether to acknowledge that the present is a regift, one approach is to be straightforward with the recipient: “Alex, I received this as a gift, but I already have one, and I really thought you’d enjoy it.” This shows the recipient that you’re not just giving them a random item but rather something you think would be great for them based on their interests or needs.

However, if you’d rather not reveal that the present is a regift, here are some ground rules.

→ The item must have all its parts and manuals and be in its original packaging.

→ The gift should not be handmade (like the sweater your friend knit for you last Christmas), unique, monogrammed or personalized, even if the engraved initials or a date match!

→ You need to be 99 percent sure that the person who gave you the gift and the person who will receive it would not be upset if they found out you regifted it.

→ I saved this for last because it’s the most important and the most forgotten rule: You have to genuinely believe that the person receiving the gift will appreciate the item.

Bottom line: Regifting can be beautiful when handled with care.