THIS IS 50
Learning to See Things in a Happier Way
Midlife can be a rich time to seek help from a psychotherapist
ONE JUNE Saturday, I watched my beaming daughter graduate from college a few weeks after her younger brother graduated from high school. But instead of taking pride in a job well done, I endured an hour-long anxiety attack that had me gripping my program with trembling hands. I was going to be an empty nester—and I was terrified. How could I manage life when I was feeling so overwhelmed?
That’s why, at age 54, I decided to enter therapy. And as it turns out, I have a lot of company on the couch. According to the CDC’s National Health Interview Survey, 9 percent of adults ages 45 to 64 receive some form of psychotherapy over the course of a year. Like me, many 50-somethings are seeking help to cope with big life transitions, according to Heather Z. Lyons, a licensed psychologist and founder of Baltimore Therapy Group. “If kids are leaving home, people may also come into therapy to redefine their relationship with their spouses.” Or we may want to scratch a more existential itch, says Margie Lachman, a professor of psychology at Brandeis University. “Midlife is a natural time for reflection,” she says. “You pause and take stock of your life. It can be helpful to have someone to listen, offer guidance and insight.”
Then, too, the sandwich-generation stress of caring for parents and kids simultaneously can hit Gen Xers especially hard, since many had kids later than previous generations. “We might call it the panini generation because of the squeeze and pressure people often feel,” says Alicea Ardito, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of Loudoun Adult Counseling in Northern Virginia.
Signing up for therapy in your 50s may feel daunting, says Lyons: “People in their 20s and 30s view mental health care as just like any other doctor visit. For those in their 50s, though, there is still some stigma.” You might also worry that you are too set in your ways to change now. But that could be your low mood or anxiety talking. There’s no evidence that therapy is only for the young. In fact, your 50s can be a particularly fruitful period to seek help, according to Natalie M. Marr, a clinical psychologist and host of the Dr. Natalie: Midlife Crisis to Centered-Life Thriving podcast. “By 50, you know who you are,” she says. “You have strengths to draw from in addressing your issues because you have lived through a lot already.”
If you’re wondering whether therapy could help you, here are some points to consider.
Do I need help? One sign you might benefit from psychotherapy: “If something is interfering with your day-to-day functioning, you really want to take a closer look,” says Jasmine Sawhne, a board-certified psychiatrist in Los Angeles. “Your sleep may be disrupted. Your appetite may shift. You don’t have your usual level of motivation or energy.” Another sign is feeling in need of direction.
Where do I begin? A trip to your doctor can be an important first step, says Regina Koepp, a clinical geropsychologist in Burlington, Vermont, and founder of the online Center for Mental Health & Aging. “You want to rule out any medical or physical issues that could be creating your mental health concerns.” Your primary care doctor may also be able to direct you to a good local therapist.
What are the options? Many therapists draw from a mix of methods, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps you reframe unhelpful thoughts and behaviors, and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), which seeks to help you accept and move beyond recurrent difficult feelings. Therapy can be brief or longer-term. You’re in control of how deep you want to go.
For me, therapy offered both practical tools and a space for deeper reflection. I still miss the joy and energy of having my kids at home. But thanks to therapy, I have come to see the present as a time of possibility.
As Lyons says, “Fifty is still young. There is time to live a whole new story.” —Jennifer King Lindley