Javascript is not enabled.

Javascript must be enabled to use this site. Please enable Javascript in your browser and try again.

Skip to content
Content starts here
CLOSE ×

Search

Leaving AARP.org Website

You are now leaving AARP.org and going to a website that is not operated by AARP. A different privacy policy and terms of service will apply.

THEN & NOW: The Shot Plunged My Life Into Darkness. Now I Can See the Light

A Marine reflects on his long journey through war and trauma

spinner image william olas bee fighting in afghanistan
Bill Bee, then a U.S. Marine sergeant, reacts as a Taliban bullet hits a wall just inches from his face during the Battle of Garmsir in Helmand province on May 18, 2008.
REUTERS/Goran Tomasevic

When I left the Marines, I didn’t think my life could get any worse. Now, I don’t think it could get much better.

spinner image people hold up a welcome home sign as someone from the military stands before an american flag. the words aarp veteran report appear above the flag
Getty Images/AARP

You can subscribe here to AARP Veteran Report, a free e-newsletter published every two weeks. If you have feedback or a story idea then please contact us here.

For five years following the infamous 2008 photos of my brush with a Taliban sniper at age 26, I battled three traumatic brain injuries accumulated over 13 years as an infantry rifleman, the last from an IED blast in Marjah, Afghanistan.

I was a shadow of my former self when my time as a grunt ended in 2013. I was a staff sergeant and had joined up right out of high school a year before 9/11.

Memory loss from the TBIs [traumatic brain injuries] and the weight of a decision I took that resulted in the death of two Marines were constant. My outlook on life was dark.

It’s now 2022, I just turned 40 and I live in suburban North Carolina with my wife, Bobbie, and son, Ethan, near a creek where I teach him to fish. 

spinner image Image Alt Attribute

AARP Membership— $12 for your first year when you sign up for Automatic Renewal

Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP the Magazine.

Join Now

I may not be fully healed, but I am in a far better place, in many ways, including literally, than I was in 2008 — the sweaty perineum of the world, Helmand province.

A single round cracked

The day that changed my life was May 18, 2008, a month into the Battle of Garmsir. I was washing my cammies with soap and a rusty bucket and laughing that my pants were so crusty they could stand on their own.

I was a squad leader in 1/6 Marines on my third deployment in Afghanistan. When a single round cracked over our building, I threw on my pants and grabbed my rifle. Moments later I spotted a mud hut where the sniper was firing from, took aim — and then my world went dark.

The round had impacted inches from my face and propelled a mass of mud wall onto my head. I woke up strapped to a stretcher. I had been unconscious for a few minutes, but I refused to be evacuated; I had no holes in me and I wanted to stay in the fight.

Reuters photographer Goran Tomasevic showed me the images that would grace the front pages of newspapers and be broadcast on TV screens. The pictures may have looked heroic, but I thought they were hilarious. I was doing my laundry and my response was muscle memory.

Duct-taped to a fridge

That massive blast left me with brain injuries that still dominate my life. At first, I couldn’t walk 100 yards without stumbling. I began suffering flashbacks as well.

spinner image membership-card-w-shadow-192x134

Join AARP today for $16 per year. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP The Magazine.

My brain damage caused memory loss and rage. I decided self-medication was better than seeing a shrink, so whenever the grim thoughts rolled in, I grabbed a bottle. I knew it wasn’t solving the problem, but it put off the hurt for a night. 

My darkest point came in September 2010 when I tried to kill myself by drinking two liters of Milagro Tequila as fast as I could. I woke up duct-taped to a fridge after my friend and neighbor, a medic, revived me.

Health & Wellness

AARP® Dental Insurance Plan administered by Delta Dental Insurance Company

Dental insurance plans for members and their families

See more Health & Wellness offers >

When I was training Navy corpsmen, the problems continued. After I got into an altercation with a student, I realized I couldn’t handle my issues by myself. 

Opening up

So, for the first time, I sat down with a professional. I opened up about problems, memories and every ugly thing I’d ever done. By the end, I could walk freely in crowded streets without panicking. It was a breakthrough that I didn’t think was possible. 

Now, I have a dream job assisting Marines on ranges that use robotic targets.

My turnaround showed me that one of the hardest things we as veterans need to do is ask for help. We pride ourselves on our ability to suck it up when we’re in, but that mindset is counterproductive in civilian life.

There are organizations dedicated to helping us, but they don't know who needs assistance until we ask for it. Once we take that step, they'll move heaven and earth. They’ve enabled me to see the light again.

This article is based on The Shot: The Harrowing Journey of a Marine in the War on Terror by Bill Bee and Wills Robinson is published by Knox Press on Sept. 13, 2022.

Do you have a potential story that might make a THEN & NOW article in AARP Veteran Report? If so, please contact our editors here.

spinner image membership-card-w-shadow-192x134

Join AARP today for $16 per year. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP The Magazine.

Discover AARP Members Only Access

Join AARP to Continue

Already a Member?

spinner image membership-card-w-shadow-192x134

Join AARP today for $16 per year. Get instant access to members-only products and hundreds of discounts, a free second membership, and a subscription to AARP The Magazine.