Make Friends With Your Siblings

1. Talk about what you want

The best way to try to bridge a gap is through communication. “Very often the problem is that different people have different ideas about what the relationship should be,” says Greif, also a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work. Ask how your sib feels about seeing each other more, or talking more frequently. But experts don't advise trying to resolve any complicated childhood issues in a single, air-clearing chat — especially if you weren't raised in a family that tended to hash things out on the spot. And keep in mind that you may have to occasionally adopt an "active avoidance" approach, by not talking about things like politics or religion that you know you disagree on. Overall, while you may never have the picture-perfect relationship you dreamed of, you likely can make it quite a bit better.

2. Meet their friends

Letting go of the past is hard. One way to make it easier is to get out of your parents’ house, where you tend to revert back to your childhood roles, and meet on their turf instead. “Try hanging out along with their friends or colleagues,” says Greif. “Your sibling’s peer group can help show you how others see them as an adult.”

3. Take a siblings-only trip

If you generally get along but the relationship has stalled, a big bonding experience — especially if it's officially "siblings only" — can be an effective kick-start. “It does really help you talk to each other if you’re the only ones there,” says Russo. “Plus, there are sometimes negative dynamics around spouses or partners.” However, Greif says keep your expectations in check about what your glamping or fishing weekend will accomplish. "You can’t rebuild 50 years in 48 hours.”

4. Make time for one another

When it comes to prioritizing relationships, your siblings may have dropped to the bottom of the list, after your kids, your spouse, your boss, even your dog. And if your parents have already passed away, so too may have some of the family traditions that formerly brought you together. Rekindling the relationship can be as simple as penciling in regular quality time. “Maybe you decide to go for a hike together on Sunday mornings, or video chat a couple of times a month,” says Russo. “It may take some patience, but if you’re consistent it can pay off.”

5. Find common ground beyond mom and dad

Improving your relationship isn’t just about more frequent contact, but more quality contact. “Instead of limiting your conversation to ‘How is mom ?’ try asking ‘How are you?’ ” says Russo. If you feel like your sibling is a stranger, think about what you would you ask them if you just met at a cocktail party. “You need to invest in creating a real relationship with this person as an adult.”