Staying Fit
Etiquette might bring to mind formal dinners where you need to know which fork to use or be seen as a rube by the nose-in-the-air crowd. That’s not what etiquette is really about, insists Daniel Post Senning, great-great-grandson of the famed manners maven Emily Post and an etiquette expert at the Emily Post Institute.
Senning says Emily Post would agree that “good etiquette is about investing in the quality of the time you spend with others. It’s about caring for others, caring for their comfort and enjoyment.”
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Etiquette definitely matters. But it’s not about the fork.
A few guidelines from Senning:
Host and hostess gifts
Depending on the occasion, if you’re a guest in someone’s home you’ll want to bring a small gift as a thank-you. Use your judgment as to whether it’s appropriate: You don’t necessarily need one if you’re stopping by a neighbor’s for coffee, but when someone is going through some effort as a host, it’s a nice gesture, says Senning, who adds that “whatever you give, it shouldn’t feel like an obligation; you want to give it with a spirit of generosity.”
Some common host/hostess gifts:
Sweets or gifts for the home. “Things like candles, soaps,” Senning says. “Those kind of disposable luxuries are really a nice approach. Or bring something that has a personal connection. Maybe they really love the doughnuts in your town, so you bring some doughnuts.”
Flowers. “It’s nice to bring them in a little vase or in a way that’s easy to deal with. You don’t want to just bring long-stemmed flowers wrapped in paper. You want to make it easy for your host.”
Wine. “Think twice about bringing it. Not everybody wants alcohol, and some [hosts] don’t know what to do with it. They think, ‘Am I expected to serve it?’ The answer is no. If you’re bringing a bottle of wine you shouldn’t expect them to serve it. If you know it’s what someone really likes, wine is not a bad gift. It’s just something to think about.”
RSVPs
Whether you get an evite or a formal printed invitation, it’s considerate to tell the host as soon as you can whether you’re coming.
No maybes. “I think the hardest thing for any host is a question mark on a guest list,” Senning says. “I’m not a big fan of the ‘maybe.’”