4. Fill out an anger log. Golden often asks his clients to fill out an anger log after they’ve calmed down to get in touch with the types of situations that trigger anger for them, including the thoughts and feelings that precede and follow the event. “It can make you more skillful at altering the course of anger progression by giving you information about where you get stuck,” Golden explains. It also gives you a way to judge your emotions less harshly. “Anger itself can be a sign of depression,” Golden adds. “An anger log provides a tool to help you recognize if your rage is a sign of underlying pain that needs to be addressed.”
5. Eat something. Believe it or not, a need to nosh could be the real cause of your ire, a phenomenon often described as “hangry,” says Dansiger. Here’s why: When your blood sugar gets too low, it triggers the release of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, he explains. These chemicals help rebalance your blood sugar, but they can also make you more aggressive. While you don’t want to raid the vending machine as a way to decrease your rage, Dansiger does recommend that you indulge in a healthy snack, like a handful of nuts or a piece of fruit, rather than lashing out.
6. Exercise. Aerobic exercise, like going for a brisk walk, is very effective at reducing anger: Research has shown that the more physically fit people are, the less prone they are to rage. It also helps raise levels of brain chemicals such as endorphins, which boost mood, Golden points out. Just remember that it’s not a panacea. A small 2019 study published in the journal Medicine & Science in Sports & Exercise found that a 30-minute moderate to intense workout did reduce anger among men prone to flying off the handle. But the emotions returned later — although hopefully by then the subjects had more time to process them. “The hope is once you’ve calmed down enough, you can come up with strategies to turn your anger into something productive,” explains Golden.
What to do if you’re at the receiving end
If someone flies off the handle at you, it can be frustrating, even terrifying. But there are ways to de-escalate the situation. The first step is to walk away if you can, says Golden. If you can’t, talk in a quiet voice. “Don’t say ‘calm down,’ which is an often well-meaning phrase but can antagonize someone,” advises Pauline Wallin, a psychologist in Camp Hill, Pennsylvania. Don’t try to argue back or prove your point. Instead, tell them that you realize that they are upset, and that you will sit down and talk with them when they are ready. Once they have calmed down, you can have a discussion, says Wallin.
Oftentimes, this is enough to decrease tension. But if it doesn’t, or if it happens frequently, it’s a red flag that you are in an unhealthy situation, Golden says. Your loved one may need anger management counseling, and you may need to seek help as well.
Hallie Levine is a contributing writer and an award-winning medical and health reporter. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, Consumer Reports, Real Simple, Health and Time, among other publications.