Mission: Indispensable

Duhnt duhnt duh duht ... You know the tune.

I recently did something I haven’t done in 39 years: I went to a movie while my wife was in the hospital.

She’s been an inpatient in Aurora, Colorado, away from our home in Montana for nearly five months, for two operations that turned into 11.

You watch a lot of television in the hospital, and Tom Cruise’s latest film, Mission: Impossible — The Final Reckoning, beckoned me to take a rare detour — a “three-hour Cruise.” (Gilligan’s Island fans will understand.)

The nurses in the surgical step-down unit said, “She’s doing great — we’ve got her. Don’t worry. Take a break.”

So I did.

The last time I went to a movie during one of Gracie’s surgeries was during the Reagan administration. We were engaged. It was her 22nd operation (by my best count) and my first as her caregiver.

She was injured before I met her — in a car accident in 1983. At that time, doctors were still fighting to save her right leg. They ultimately lost that battle — and later the left one too.

But back then we were young. We were optimistic.

We’re no longer young, and the surgery count has soared to 98. But we remain optimistic — because life still beckons, even from the ICU.

After that 1986 surgery, the doctor gave a good report and said she’d be in recovery for a while. “You can’t see her yet,” he told me. “Why don’t you take a break?”

So I went to a movie.

Later, I learned someone in our circle thought I was being neglectful. Apparently, “take a break” only meant looking tired and staying put. Such misplaced judgment can haunt a new caregiver.

For years, I let shame and fear of disapproval steer far too much of my caregiving. Eventually, I learned to trust my instincts and disregard unsolicited opinions from those who were ill-informed and uninvolved.

If you’re a caregiver, let me save you some grief:

• It’s OK to take a break.
• It’s OK to go for a walk.
• It’s OK to watch a movie.

And it’s absolutely OK to keep firm boundaries with the pearl-clutchers and self-proclaimed experts.

I’m still here. They’re not. They never really were.

This time, I found my way to an IMAX theater near the teaching hospital and settled in the middle row, two-thirds back. I checked my phone one last time and switched it to airplane mode. (Sadly, not all in the audience understood such a simple courtesy.)

The lights dimmed.

Tom Cruise appeared on-screen and thanked the audience for the privilege of entertaining them.

Then the theme kicked in — the late Lalo Schifrin’s classic, pulsing in that strange but familiar time signature. (It’s written in 5/4 — for the Dave Brubeck fans.)