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Puzzled About Dating After 50?

Our relationship expert answers your questions

Question from Laney: What is the best way to communicate with the technical explosion? Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, phone?

PS: Pick some technology that is easy for you and forget about the rest. You don't need to tweet. You can live without Facebook or for that matter texting. But if you try them and one of them feels good, they can be a great way to connect.

Question from Leigh: I have a problem with a guy who says he loves me and wants to be serious. He is suffocating me and I don't feel the same way about him. How do I get him to back off? I just want to be friends, but he is making that impossible by wanting to hug and kiss. He has been a widow since last year. He was engaged to another woman in February of this year. Something just is not right.

PS: You seem very clear about how you feel about this guy, and he seems determined not to get the picture. So, sadly, friendship is probably not possible ... at least right now. You have to tell him goodbye in as nice a way as you can but firmly.

Maybe after enough time goes by, he could actually be a friend. But that's not possible right now.

Question from Laura: I am 65 and have never been married. I have trouble answering, "Why haven't you gotten married?" Any suggestions?

PS: I can't help it: So why haven't you gotten married? Just kidding! So what you need is a conversation stopper. Pick one: I'm not married because I'm the unluckiest/luckiest person on earth. Or I haven't been married because I wasn't ready until now. Or, why does everybody have to be married. Or finally, what's it to you. Seriously, the only person you have to explain that to is someone you're interested in who wants reassurance that there is a possibility of commitment.

Question from Me: Are there any men out there that would just like to be good friends?

PS: There have been books written on this question, and certainly movies (When Harry Met Sally). I think there are men who are able to be good friends without any other agenda, but you both have to be interested in each other without even a tinge of sexual attraction. But this happens. And there is no reason why there can't be an intimate friendship that is the equivalent of a friendship.

Question from Mark: I am on Social Security disability and belong to two dating websites, but I have absolutely no luck with finding a date. To me being good friends is hard; most men like myself want a more permanent and sexual relationship.

PS: I think most of the people on sites are looking for a romantic relationship. I think you might want a friend to look at the way you present yourself (your profile, etc.) and see if it's getting in the way of you finding someone. For example, you opened your e-mail to me with the fact with you're on disability. That's not a good opener in a romantic e-mail. You don't have to lie ... but you don't have to make that your introduction. Get to know somebody so they see you as a person and like you, and then you can tell them some of the facts of your life.

Thank you all for coming to this chat. I wish we had more time, and we will do this again soon. In the meantime, go to www.aarp.org/nakedtruth to submit more dating questions.

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