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Puzzled About Dating After 50?

Our relationship expert answers your questions

Question from Lois: What about a woman asking a man out for a first date?

PS: If the guy is really secure, he will like it. But some men are still traditional and they don't. So you have to ask yourself if you are willing to miss a few people and maybe that's a good thing, if you are a person who doesn't like tradition and wants to find somebody who doesn't go by those old scripts. One question: Even men who like you asking them out don't want a woman to do all the asking. Once you've asked him out, wait for him to ask the next time.

Question from Roger Dodger: Is taking a woman to a sporting event a good first date?

PS: It's a good idea if she likes sporting events. Ask her and make sure she's not just trying to be nice. Find out if the event you like is really the one she likes. And if she does, it could be a great first date.

Question from Liz: How do you find a good online dating site? The ones I have tried seem to attract men who want sex up front and act like they are back in college. Any tips for writing a good profile to attract the right guys?

PS: Go to Google, Yahoo or Bing and type in "online dating." You will get a long list of candidates. Go to the sites and see what they use as a way to present yourself to others, what the site looks like — does it look like it's intended for your kind of person? Try a few, because you won't know which ones are good for you until you've been there a little bit.

The profile is very important. Look and see which sites will help you write it, because some of them will. Also, have a friend nearby when you are writing and see if they think you are doing yourself justice, or if you are writing up something that is a real turnoff. We are never objective about ourselves, so we need people to help us.

Question from Janet: I come from a small town where most everybody is married or has younger kids that grew up with my kids. I have been widowed since 2008. I have met five men and all they want to do is stay home. I like to go to the movies, out to eat, ride around listening to good music. Is there any help for me? I am a healthy 51-year-old.

PS: What's wrong with the men in your town? What's the next town like? Go poach! There has to be somebody there who wants to get off their butt. But also, you don't have to wait for a guy to do the things you are talking about. Find some friends and do some of those things with a buddy. That ought to help until you find Mr. Right.

Question from Bonnie: I am a widow, 64 years old. I recently met a man (64) and a widower of just one year. He and I were married to our college sweethearts. He wants to remarry and doesn't want to be "alone." We've been seeing each other for over five months. He is "married" to his home, land, furnishings in the mountains, and I have a condo at the beach. This sounds ideal, but I am not crazy about his home in the mountains, and he has no interest in moving. Bottom line: I would be the one making all of the changes. Our lifestyles are different, too. Any ideas of how I might get him to stretch his ego and bend a little?

PS: You've only been seeing each other for five months. Give this relationship time to deepen. Give it at least another six months. Sometimes it takes years before people realize, or change their opinion, about what compromises they are willing to make. Just enjoy each other. Don't push it, and see what each of you can find in each other's lifestyle that's fun. Plus, in today's world, you don't always have to live in the same spot. You can go back and forth and still have a committed relationship.

Next: Will social networking help find me a date?

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