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Puzzled About Dating After 50?

Our relationship expert answers your questions

Question from Sarah: I'm worried I have too much baggage to go back out there after a couple of failed marriages. Should I just sit it out at this point?

PS: Never give up!!! Just because you have had some intimate relationships that didn't work out, that doesn't predict the future. On the other hand, if you don't think you know what ended those relationships and you don't feel wiser and more capable of a relationship now, then you should go see a therapist or counselor so you can solve some of your previous problems and get rid of the baggage.

Question from Janet: I don't even know where to begin. I lost my husband two years ago. I have dated about four men. I haven't found anyone who likes to do the same things I do since my husband. Is it possible? I am 51.

PS: Here's another idea. Join singles groups that do the activities you love. If you like to hike, you are likely to meet men who like to hike in a hiking club. If you like opera, join a group that supports opera. Almost all activities have either singles groups or mixed groups of singles and married people who are all devoted to the activity at hand. But remember, if you don't find someone interesting in the group, you should leave — don't get stuck in a place where there is no opportunity to meet someone. Remember, the ultimate goal is to meet the love of your life.

Question from Lorraine from Philly: How can I date younger men without being labeled a "cougar."

PS: I'm not going to label you a cougar! I think people should go out with the people they are attracted to. We don't call Demi Moore a cougar — we just think of her as beautiful, famous, talented, and with good taste. Of course she is stunning. But I don't think that attraction is all about how you look. It's about who you feel good with. And if you pick somebody who you feel good with, your friends will be happy for you.

Question from Stacy: I was thinking of joining a local art group that meets once a week as a way of meeting someone who shares my interests and is active — not the couch potato type. Is this something you would recommend?

PS: Yes, I think it's a great idea. You will be around someone who shares your passions, and have a lot to discuss. But just remember if it's a small group, it needs to have new people cycling in, or you won't be able to get any chance at meeting somebody important in your life.

Question from Guest: I am 59, and all of the men that I see are interested in younger women. Do I have to find an 80-year-old to be the younger woman?

PS: No you don't, although there are some great 80-year-olds out there! You can find an age mate, or you could find someone who really doesn't care about age. I don't think that all men pick on the basis of age. And quite a few men want somebody who has had life experience like their own.

Next: Find the time and energy to date. »

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