En español | Maybe you fantasize about it, but face it: You don't really want to have sex with someone new. For one thing, strutting around in the buff in front of someone you met last Tuesday sounds about as inviting as jumping off a very high dive into a very cold bathtub.
See also: 5 secrets of successful couples.
But still, you wouldn't mind rediscovering that new sexual tingle with your same old cozy, comfy spouse. Can you get it back? Absolutely. Here are seven innovative ideas from two sex therapists.
Get your groove back by setting up date nights with your partner. — Photo by Ned Frisk/Corbis
Make a Date. Set aside 30 or 45 minutes one night a week for a pleasure session with your mate. On the menu: Not your usual sex routine but a whole variety of activities, such as taking a shower together, trading massages and necking like eighth-graders. "The variety is the secret, not just making it goal oriented," says Suzanna Hillegass, a couples and sex therapist who has been married for 44 years. "You want to take the time to turn your partner on, which is something you knew how to do way back when."
Redefine Sex. "Redefining what you think of as sex can switch it up for you," says Dr. Gail Saltz, the Today show's sex and relationships expert and author of The Ripple Effect. "Rather than just intercourse, it could be mutual stimulation or stimulation with something you haven't tried before."
Spice Up Your Fantasy Life. It's easier to change your mind than to change partners, advises Saltz, who says seeding your fantasy life with some hot new ideas — whether or not they involve your partner — can be a path to hot new sex. If nothing exciting springs to mind, read Nancy Friday's My Secret Garden or Forbidden Flowers and borrow someone else's fantasies.
Talking about your sexual fantasies, without pressure from either side to actually carry them out, can create a sense of newness in a marriage, Hillegass says. The reason: "It takes a little risk to share your fantasies and adding that sense of adventure is what will make your sex life feel new again."
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