Four Ways to Heat Up Your Love Life

2. Laugh.
Humor is funny because the punch line is a surprise — in other words, something new and unexpected. Like other novel activities, humor raises dopamine levels. “Ask couples how their relationships have endured, and many credit a shared sense of humor,” Weston says. “When humor dies, the relationship is in trouble.” If you’re feeling a lack of inspiration, put some funny movies in your Netflix queue or book some tickets at a comedy club.

3. Keep ’em guessing.
Oscar Wilde once said, “The essence of romance is uncertainty.” Romance experts Barbara and Michael Jonas, coauthors of The Book of Love, Laughter, and Romance, urge couples to schedule regular “surprise dates.” One partner plans an afternoon or evening outing, but keeps it secret, telling the other only what to wear and what time to be ready. “The anticipation makes surprise dates very romantic and enriching,” Barbara says, “and each person sees the other expending effort to please them, which is flattering — and arousing.”

4. Make love.
The skin-to-skin contact of lovemaking and especially orgasm trigger release of testosterone in men, and closely related hormones in women (androgens). These, in turn, release dopamine. To make sex more exciting, and to inject an element of playful surprise, try something new on the way to bed or between the sheets. Make love in a different place, at a different time, and with different accoutrements: candlelight, music, lubricant, lingerie, sex toys or professional massages beforehand.

Of course, love is a mystery, but on some level, everyone seems to appreciate its hormonal basis. Perhaps that’s why, when two people fall in love, they say: “We have great chemistry.”

Michael Castleman, author of Great Sex, answers questions for free at GreatSexAfter40.com.

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