Retired men are particularly at risk of emotional and physical decline, Pollack says: "Once they're put out to pasture, they lose the sense of purpose and structure they had at work. They lose the friends they had there, too. And most men lack any other meaningful connections aside from the romantic."
Male retirees who live alone are especially subject to loneliness, but even those who are married are often bored with lives limited to browsing the Internet or watching TV. They miss the action and the interactions of their working days. ROMEO members' wives tend to be enthusiastic about the meetings. "It's good for him," said the wife of one of the Gabriela's group. "Whatever gets him out of the house."
One of the favorite topics at her husband's ROMEO sessions is the comprehension chasm that has opened up between the members and the younger generations. "It's not just the music and the clothes," said one member at the December session. "It's getting so I don't understand New Yorker cartoons anymore."
How to Find or Start a ROMEO Group
Manny Alfano, left, Charles Sousa, center, and Gene Antonio of the ROMEO club dine at La Sicilia in Belleville, N.J. — Robert Wright
There are ROMEO clubs in most states. Some are listed on Romeoclub.org, and others may be registered with your town's welcoming service or listed in the local newspaper. If you can't find one nearby, or one to your liking, you might consider starting a ROMEO. Here are some things to think about:
1. Start small. Get the club underway with one or two friends so there is an ongoing activity that other people can join.
2. Work out the details beforehand, not just a firm time and place and the frequency of meetings but such matters as how the restaurant bill will be paid, individually or a group split.
3. Make it easy for newcomers to learn about your group. Put up notices on the bulletin board at your church. Spread the word on Facebook and Twitter and in your hometown newspaper.
4. Maintaining a ROMEO is much simpler than it used to be. Instead of making a dozen phone calls, you can ensure that members know about a meeting and plan to attend with a couple of e-mails.
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