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In Response to RE: What do you wish you knew WHEN YOU FIRST STARTED CAREGIVING that you know now? by MGpetersen
I visit this question from time to time because of the impact being a caregiver for my mother made. One mistake I did make was not questioning the facility I removed my mother from enough. Once mom was settled at home, she had horrific outbursts in the middle of the night. She'd yell and scream out my father's name (he passed away 5 yrs before her) because she was dreaming or having hallucinations about him. Wierd, wild noises, a brother who heard them thought they were demonic. Very scarey for my children and grandchidren to hear. I wondered why the facility didn't mention this, no wonder they moved her from the room in the front of the facility to the room furthest away from the lobby and other patients. I recorded some of these outbursts for other familly members to hear, but unless you were awaken by them, there was no impact.
Her depression became my depression, I became a prisoner in my own home. My home stopped feeling like a home. It was grand central station, people coming and going,plus our utilities and food bill increased.
My moods swings, I realize now wasn't a menopausal thing, it was the stress that was created. Don't get me wrong, I loved my mother, but having her live with us was not the best decision of our life. Siblings had no idea how our lives were turned upside down. Now, there are accusations we didn't do a good job and that we stole from her. If you have siblings and you are going to take care of a parent. Put everything in writing and have them sign off, what your responsibilities will be and theirs. Take time away at least one weekend a month with your spouse, our sex life went out the window. Don't start laying any guilt trips on yourself either, the family will do that for you. Personally, if I knew all of this before, I would have had Medi-cal take over her house and had her remain at the facility, they are the professionals, that are trained to handle the emotional, physical,medical treatment.
Because of all this,I am working on my personal healing,
I often tell myself that I should write a book, there is so much to be told.