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As with everything in life, I think it depends on the people involved. When my father was alive, but knew he was slowing down, he asked my brother to do the financials, including dealing with health insurance. I got to take my parents to the doctor and assist them in that manner. Funny thing was, I would have been much more suited to, not only take my parents to the doctor, but to do the health insurance, since, at that time, I was a doctor's office manager. But, my father split it the way he saw it needed to be. And, I certainly didn't get upset over it...it was one less thing I had to do.
I am the youngest of a family of eight and my two brothers live in town, all the other girls live in other states. One brother lives two blocks away and pretty much does NOTHING to lessen the load. One sister has used all the vacation time she gets to schedule quarterly visits to see our parents. My father had twenty-four/seven care the last year of his life (bedridden and Mother had increasing dementia) We continued 24/7 care for my mother after my father died. My sister continued her trips on a quarterly basis.
My mother moved in with my husband and me last Feb. The one brother continues he bookkeeping duties, my sister continues her quarterly visits. My other brother continues to do nothing, even when I ask him to take Mom for 4 hours or so...he's always "too busy."
My other sisters come as they can. One has little ones and makes sure to come twice a year so Mom can see them (though she forgets right after). In truth, I think her heart and soul remember those visits even if her brain doesn't.
Another sister comes maybe once a year.
I have one sister who is mentally ill. One died years ago.
So, really, I think I'm pretty lucky. My brother does all those "man" things and I do all those "woman" things. It works. But if it weren't for him, I'd be doing all of it.
I feel for those who don't have the support I do (sisters/brother; husband and his kids, friends). I think it must be awful! It gets to me at times, and I know I have it good.