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I am 45 taking care of my disabled dad who will be 90. For the previous 3 years it was for both my parents in the same home. My mom passed aug.07 she was 90 also. I have been the only one to take care of both of them for over 6 yrs. Plus raise a family work full time etc. etc. I suffer from bi-polar and this has been very diffucult at times. This past March my world just cracked from all the presure and I lost my job of 10yrs and have been on unemployment which now the state wants to take back. I feel such guilt when I think of having my dad placed somewhere. I wanted to get copes but he dosen't want to have to give up his savings. I can't get another job as there will be no one here to watch over him. I have hit such a severe depression I don't even want to carry on with my own daily chores. I don't leave the house,all I do is sleep and smoke. I am sleeping over 17 hours a day just not to have to deal with everything. He gets mad if I do go somewhere. So I just don't.
Your dad is desperate to keep control, if he is of sound mind, he needs a certain amount of autonomy. If he is unable to care for himself, it is also necessary for him to be flexable, and permit you to do what must be done for the both of your health. If you are depressed to the point of sleeping your life away 16/17 hours a day, you are not there for him anyway. Call medicare, ask for referrals to sources of help, if you choose to have him stay in the home, use some of that huge space upstairs to have a home health aid come in for an hour or two each day, while you look for work. Do not give him the option, it is not his choice. You need to work for an outlet and an income. Who watched him while you were working before? Give him this choice, dad we have to make some decisions. Since I need to work to pay expences, do you want a health aid at home, we can use some of your savings for that. Or do you prefer living some where that has full time aids? Our town (small) has a senior center, i your does he may want to spend his days there, and his evenings at home with you. But if you do that, he still needs an aide to help at least an hour a day. Bathe, get ready for bed, or get up and ready for breakfast and the day. We have Senior transport here to, they pick up people, and are wheelchair capable, take them to the senior center, doctors, shopping, etc. and bring them home. There are many options for help, YOU decide what is best for you, and offer your dad two or three viable options.