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Hello everyone. I am the sole caregiver for my 94 year old mother. She currently lives in her own house about five blocks from me; however, within the last month her sight is failing and she is showing signs that she might not be safe living on her own any longer; i.e. short term memory failure, extreme indecisiveness, missing medications.
Long story short, I am in my late 50s and have never had any independence from my parents. Helped with the care of my father until he passed at the age or 92, ten years ago and now dealing with aging mother who is 94. Although I have a brother who lives approximately 3 hrs away, I am pretty much on my own as a caregiver.
I, myself, am dealing also with the crippling effects of Multiple Sclerosis. It is becoming apparent that my mother will either need to be placed in a home or move in with my husband and I. I am feeling extremely guilty because I can not bear the thought of losing the only independence I currently have, which is the comfort and solitude of my own home and space with my husband. Aside from the emotion turmoil, there are health concerns as well. Due to the MS, I need to live in a very controlled, cool environment and my mother, aging as she is needs a consistent temperature of almost 80 degrees to be comfortable.
In many ways I feel selfish because I don't want her to live with us but I just don't see any way that this situation can work. We also have very little room as we downsized into a retirement community because of my illness. At the same time, my mother is adament that she will not leave her home or move closer to my brother so that he can share the responsibilities.
Any ideas or do I just need to put on my big girl panties and deal with all of this on my own. I fear that along with the health issues involved with cohabitation, I would also be putting my marriage in jeopardy. My husband is very supportive, helps any way he can, but he needs this separation from my immediate familty as much as I do.
Please help. Any ideas would be appreciated. The support system for caregivers in this town is nonexistent and there is only one care facility which is extremely unaffordable and unsatisfactory.