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I am a guy and my wife has found "happiness" through her church and a man that has been around us for years. I have been separated for about 5 months now and it doesn't ger any easier. Maybe there are not many men in this forum, but the men I have spoken with feel the same as you ladies about separation and divorce. Why did this happen, we thought things were fine, we paid bills, helped around the house, but it seems it was never ewnough. The n we hear the same lament "I'm not happy anymore. I'm sorry. but we develop those same trust issues about forming a strong bond too. I pray it will not take 5 years for me. At 67 I am not sure I even have 5 years left "on the clock"! I have started smoking again and hate it but it seems to fill a void of some sort. I looked forward to traveling and now I don't seem to have much ambition for anything except hoping she will change her mind before the divorce. All my close friends were mt colleagues and they are long gone from the area I live in and I have found little/no solace in my local church. Everyone is so wrapped up in their own lives that I hate to bother them. I shall persevere and allow time to work it's wonders I guess.
For me, I would have divorced him pretty soon if he hadn't been the one to move on (even with "someone" on the side). We'd been in counseling off & on for 10+ years & he just didn't get it. Turns out he was emotionally & verbally abusive to me, to my son & rarely to our daughter. When he realized he couldn't undo all the hurt he'd caused--which COULD have happened if it wasn't still happening--he decided to move on BEFORE the divorce.
I, too, had thought years ago I'd be with the same person & in more recent years, looked forward to traveling, retirement, etc. Evidently, in this day & age, it happens less often. I only hope my grown children can experience a lifetime of happiness with their choices in mates.
Best of luck. Sue