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Not sure I have anything notable to add but, been there, done that got the t-shirt. I read that it takes about 5 years to truly get over the loss of a spouse. Last for me was after having been married 10 years and going thru brain surgery at the time at the age of 50. I have now been single for 15 years. In reading here I see that a lot of women were going thru some devastating health issues. I have come to the conclusion that a lot of men are just jerks. They have no fortitude when it comes to dealing with health issues. I think that was part of the reason for his first screwing around and then filing for a divorce. He seemed to only be interested in his little brain and lusting after anything that could satisfy it. As I stated before I have been single now for 15 years and I no longer look at it as a loss. It was just an adjustment to get me where I was supposed to be in my life. If any of you recall Ally McBeal from a few years ago, there was a character named Ling her attitude was men just can’t help it – “They all have a dumb stick.” I have come to agree with that statement. One of my favorite sayings is “Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.” That is a very true statement. In all of my marriages there were good times that have left me with good memories. First husband gave me my son and just walked out on us. Second husband gave me my two beautiful daughters and did the same. Neither father has anything to do with his children. It is truly these men’s loss as I raised wonderfully successful children who have great families of their own. I have 11 grands and 12 greatgrands and am very, very happy with where my life is now. As one of the women noted here my last “dumb stick” was in such a hurry to be done with the divorce I was able to get anything I wanted. He didn’t have a lot and had blown my savings so I did not feel bad when I took him for a good percentage of his retirement. Always, always get your own lawyer never, never share a lawyer. They can only act in the best interest of one person and if that was the husband who acquired him it will be in the husband’s best interest not yours. Don’t try and be nice. He will try and get away with giving you as little as possible and this can affect you for the rest of your life. Unless you are independently wealthy get as much as you can including some of his retirement pay if that is possible.