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In Response to I'm new to the group by jump4joy57
Welcome! I know exactly how you feel. If you have read any of my posts you know that I'm in the process of a divorce from my husband of, soon to be 40 years. Mine cheated on me for months then told me he wanted out. At the same time, he tried to put the blame on me for the failure of our marriage.
Not sure what happened in your case, but I don't think it really matters why it happened, just know it is more difficult for those of us who have been married for long periods. I don't believe divorce is ever easy, but it seems those of us that have been married longer have a much tougher time recovering.
First, I hope you are getting counseling from a good counselor. Luckily, I only had to try two before I found a good fit. It's important to find someone who can give you the tools to deal with the pain, loss, loneliness, fear, etc. A good counselor can do this for you where Friends and family cannot.
Next, understand that it is going to take you a very long time, I'm not talking months but years, to get past this. I read in one of the books I read regarding divorce about a woman who was in Nazi Concentration camps, and she said that going through a divorce after 28 years of marriage, was WORSE than that on her emotionally. So, take heart! You are not only not alone, you are normal! Don't let anyone tell you any different and make you feel bad about yourself for not "getting over it" sooner.
I hope you have had some good days. Days when ;your focus isn't on your past. There will indeed be bad days. I just experienced some recently. I had had almost three weeks of feeling good, then I just crashed! My counselor told me that is normal and will probably go on for at least 5 years, perhaps longer.
Please know that there are many people who care about you and wish you the best. Lean on whoever you can, but stay away from those who insist you need to get over it immediately. Either that, or tell them that is no help to you, you need support and understanding, not blame.
Finally, if you don't have a paid counselor I urge you to find one. If you have one who you don't feel is helping you, check with your Dr for a recomendation. And if you are not on medication to help you through this difficult time in your life, get on something. I know I wouldn't be here today without the medication I'm on.