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I would have told you on May 11 that I was blissfully married (for 22 years) to the man of my dreams, and we would go to our graves holding hands. Seventy-two hours later, I am sitting there realizing that nothing I thought I knew about him was true, that he'd been leading a "secret life" for years, and our marriage was over. I've not had an easy life anyway, but this was THE WORST thing that's ever happened to me. The things I found out about him shocked me to my core, although he was very matter-of-fact about it all, and really, although he says I was the most wonderful wife anyone could ever want, he wanted OUT of our long-time marriage in the worst way (and chose the most painful way to make that come about). I've had a great career, have lots of friends and have lots of interests, but I find myself questioning, "Who am I? What just happened? Where the heck do I go from here?" All my dreams/plans/assumptions about the future have just been tossed up in the air. I don't know that I can EVER trust a man again in a relationship (although I have any number of good male buddies), and if it weren't for being able to keep busy at work, plus having a good therapist, I think I'd be home on the floor crying my eyes out every day. I will think I'm making progress mentally, and then the anger and the depression hit--I found myself thinking, "I'm not a FAMILY anymore, I'm nobody." This has been so incredibly devastating...people say "Oh, it will get better," but I find that hard to believe at this point. I have not only lost my husband, who was so beloved to me (and now I wonder if the person I loved even really existed), I've lost my best buddy, the one I sailed with, the one I couldn't wait to tell the latest joke, the one I'd share "work stories" with....he really was my "beloved." How long does this mental torture go on?