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Suggested New Minor in Piracy
ELEMENTARY PIRACY 101: An apprentice-level introduction to buccaneering. During the course of this plan of study, students will learn how to create a salutable Jolly Roger, tie a proper head bandanna, and master the essentials of parrotry. Students will learn the vocabulary of the renegade seaman, including such expressions as “Arrr!”, “Avast ye landlubbers!”, “Shiver me timbers!”, and “Ahoy, there mateys!”
Prerequisites for this course: a suitable swagger, a striped shirt, knee-length pants, buckled shoes (or shoe, in the case of the one-legged), and a functioning spyglass. All students will be issued an appropriate bandanna, and must have at least one pierced ear. Each student will be keelhauled to assure proper discipline at the session.
In order to maintain the proper motivation, those dropping the class will be forced to walk the plank at swordpoint. Those who fail the class shall also walk the plank, but while sailing in shark-infested waters that have been prepared in advance by Mr. Smee, the bo’s’n, with a bucket of chum.
INTERMEDIATE PIRACY 201: The student who completes this course will be prepared to board and remove the booty from an ocean-going vessel no smaller than a sloop. Special attention will be dedicated to the preparation of treasure maps, the shivering of timbers, and the difference between port, larboard, and starboard, abeam and abaft. Successful marooning techniques will also be taught, as well as methods for the wearing of greatcoats and other clothing of European manufacture in tropical climes without suffering heat exhaustion.
Boarding techniques covered in this course shall include swinging from the rigging and the yardarm, jumping no fewer than four yards across open water to the enemy ship, scaling the enemy vessel with grappling hook and rope ladder, and the traditional boarding method via the traditional plank.
Prerequisites: Elementary Piracy 101, one large parrot, a dirk a minimum of one foot in length, high boots (or boot, in the case of the one-legged), and if necessary, a suitable pegleg made of a hardwood, such as teak. The one-handed student shall come equipped with a stainless steel #9 or larger hook. The one-eyed shall come equipped with a standard black eyepatch and/or removable glass eye, preferably a sickly, unnatural pale blue in color.
ADVANCED SWASHBUCKLING 304: Upon completion of this course, the student will demonstrate a full knowledge of the
The graduate of this course shall demonstrate the ability to take in tow, with assistance from the crew, a Spanish Man O’ War, a Dutch Vriebuiter, or a British Frigate within two hours, capturing a minimum of forty bags of appropriate swag, two large treasure chests, and three hundred assorted sacks of booty. Furthermore, he shall further demonstrate competence in occasioning that a Spanish Viceroy’s daughter fall in love with him, leaving behind her family, her country, and her haughty, yet insipid fiancé, the Duque de Buganvilla, for a life of rollicking plunder and bonhommerie on the Seven Seas. The course shall end with a finale in which the student sails off with his love as an unseen orchestra plays Over the Bounding Main on violoncello, bo’s’n’s whistle, the sailor’s pipes, pennywhistle, bugle, fluegelhorn and kazoo.Prerequisites: Elementary Piracy 101, Intermediate Piracy 201, a capacity of at least two mugs of grog, an adequate wardrobe of XVII Century apparel and proper seafaring accessories. Requisite equipment shall include a professional-grade Jolly Roger banner, a Class IV spyglass, a functioning astrolabe, a bo’s’n’s pipe, a set of charts and a macaw or papagallo of impressive dimensions