This forum post is hidden because you have chosen to ignore ASTRAEA. Show Details
This forum post is hidden because you have submitted an abuse report against it. Show Details
This topic relates to me.
As you know, my mom passed away on Christmas Day and I am left with my 89 year old dad.
I live with him and notice he has a hard time in climbing the stairs, keeping up with yard, etc.
I help him alot! Especially with phone calls, he can't hear too well. I make out his checks, do shopping etc.
I have mentioned to him, maybe it is time we moved to apartment or condo.
He won't hear of it. This was originally my grandparents house and he did alot of remodeling in the past years.
It is a lovely home but too big for me to handle when I am alone.
I'm starting to go through things to see what I can get rid of. In this way it will be easier if I move.
What do you feel about my thoughts?
Do you think your father would be more receptive, if you approached it as you needing his cooperation, because you can't handle everything for the house any more .. rather than the problem being his inability to get around or manage things on his own?
Sometimes you've got to resort to "tough love", if you can't get cooperation. Sometimes older people think "they're" managing, because things are getting done .. although they're not the ones actually doing them! In their minds, they "take credit" for it being done, without acknowledging the effort other(s) have to expend on their behalf. Maybe you need to identify the specific things that are too much for you, and how being in a smaller space would be helpful. Also identifying things that you have to let slide now, because you just can't keep up with them.
Another thing might be to identify exactly what his issue is .. is it leaving that house in particular, or renting rather than owning a home? Maybe buying a small condo or co-op .. but OWNING it, would make him more comfortable about downsizing? Also, reassuring him that he can keep his most important keepsakes & memorabelia, no matter where you move.
I was lucky that my aunt didn't want to live alone, after my Mom died, because it would have been impossible for me to maintain Mom's house for her, as well as my own.