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My wife (63) has no libido but still loves to touch and cuddle and to help me (64) if I want sex. Can't be intercourse because she's got a problem with her vaginal walls and it's very painful for her. I've always masturbated--before, during, and after my first marriage and through the 10 years+ of this one. Within a few months last year, I stopped getting good erections and, although I can cum and have an orgasm, there is something very erotic about getting really hard and I miss it a lot. I've tried samples of Viagra and it helps maybe 40-60%. Then I found out how expensive it is and even looked to Canadian drug prices but it's still so expensive. Our insurance won't cover it at all. Don't know yet how much Medicare (a few mos. away) might cover it. But part of the problem is, partly because she has no libido, that I never seem to want sex together. I will sometimes take her up on her offer to help me, orally, which is great. Lack of erection, though, is still a bummer. To some degree, in the face of her lack of libido (including around me), my sense of masculinity and sex drive have diminished. I think there's more to it but have few clues as to what.
Dr. Oz says that a big belly can lower the sex drive in a man because the testosterone is diverted to help grow the belly fat. No one thinks I'm fat but my waist size has gone from 36 to at least 38 and I definitely have a lot of fat , if not a beer belly. We have a margarita or two or a glass of wine or two or beer or two and that's as much as we drink. Some nights we don't drink. Shouldn't at all because I have high blood pressure but don't know if that amount of alcohol is affecting the sex, unless it does indirectly by increasing the belly and lowering the testosterone. When I see a photo (like in this recent St. Croix ad on TV) of some georgeous woman, I get the old male rush of lust through my body and easily fantasize about her naked and us naked together. My wife gets worried that I'll go to someone else because she has no libido. Part of me would like to be free to but I have never had as good a relationship as I do now and simply do not want to threaten it. I've thought of testosterone shots because I am tired, am losing muscle mass, am gaining weight (I work at the computer a lot). But why take testosterone shots when my wife has no libido and when I've found so much happiness with her and also a disciplined place in which I wouldn't cheat on her? I think losing 20 lbs. would help so many of my problems but I love to eat and drink, don't exercise much because of my back problem and pain and I'm lazy. Feel so unsatisfied but stuck. I'd post this as a question but I guess I know the answer or at least what I should try first: get off my ass, stretch more, exercise more, and lose 20 lbs. It's sounds so rational. It also sounds so rational to say "Don't live to eat but eat to live." It's hard.