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Sometimes during holiday seasons it is easy to get caught up in commitments. Some are in our best interests, others are not because they are made out of guilt or duty. It is my hope that this season I will keep my self-care as one of my top priorities. I hope to care better for myself physically, emotionally and spiritually. I need quiet time, joyous time and self-expression time all in healthy limits. This is a challenging time for me as I have had to hold my brother accountalbe for his disrespect. There was a last straw. Happening at holiday time worsens the pain. I have been putting this off for some time due to his cancer treatments. I have had to come to grips with the fact that being a patient does not give anyone the right to be emotionally abusive to others. For now, I must love him from afar and hope that he seeks help for his emotional problems. This is the time of year when I was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer 3 years ago. I rejoice in that, today, I am OK. I find that I am more self-ful as to how I want to use my time now. I don't want to be in conflict. I want to hold onto whatever joy awaits. May we all be self-ful and set healthy priorities.
I too have family issues. It seems my family wanted to make it all about them. For once in my life I've decided that this is about me and not them. I have chose to take care of me and what I need. For now I've pushed them aside. With the holidays approaching I know it will be a case of lets see who can outdo who. This saddens me because they've lost the true meaning of Christmas. For this reason I've chosen not to accept any gifts this year and expressed that no gifts would be accepted. There are people worse off than me and they could use the money spent on presents worse. As we approach the "Big Day" my goal is to focus more on the true meaning of the holiday than the material things. It was hard at first, but I'm learning to accept this.
I will be finished with my treatments by the end of the year and then approach Radiation treatments in 2010. Maybe when I am finished with everything I can deal with the family. Until then it's me and my daughter and no one else.