This forum post is hidden because you have chosen to ignore TIARA. Show Details
This forum post is hidden because you have submitted an abuse report against it. Show Details
Tiara, as you know, I am the cancer survivor/patient and my wife is my caregiver. I know the emotional stress that she can be under at times with me. We know that she must satisfy her own needs in order to be of support to me, the others in my clinic, our friends and church friends. At times, I feel that I'm being selfish when she takes care of me after my chemo treatments, but I know in my heart that she does it all out of love. We've learned through experience and the Book of Job, that being too aggressive in giving encouragement to others is often harmful. Instead, we sometimes just need someone to listen, not judge, and not give us opinions and instructions. Love and care can be shown in many ways. But it is important that you are emotionally grounded to provide this help. Your own physical, emotional and spiritual needs must be met in order to be an instrument of God in the lives of others.
Have faith, Jeff
It has been my experience that whenever my phone rings or I get an email, it is just exactly what I need at that very moment. I don't believe in co-incidence. I believe that these events are the result of synchronicity. I read your post earlier today and decided to let it set til this evening.
You speak of being careful about giving too much encouragement. It made me recall one day when my brother told me about how he told the social worker in the hospital to stop calling him a 'hero'. To him what he is doing in this battle against cancer is 'part of life'. Since then I have been cautious about how I express how much I admire how he is handling this. He just doesn't want to hear it. No matter how I say it.
I remember telling my surgeon that I didn't want him to 'sugar coat' anything. Tell me straight. I need to plan. I did not realize that this thought was in the Book of Job. That really impresses me. It makes it so much more vital.
I remember, too, telling him how tiring it was to listen to him talk non-stop for 2-3 days about his pills and his hospital stay over and over. My thought was to get him to focus on something more positive. His answer.....Did you ever think that maybe I NEED to talk about it? Well, I'm not exactly proud to share that, but it is important to be honest in our dealings.
I knew how to be a patient. I have had several major surgeries. I have not had much experience being the supporter especially long distance. There is always something to learn.
Today, I had 'lessons' from at least 3 different sources. How blessed I am! I cannot say it strongly enough how very much I appreciate the people who are in this group.
When I was first diagnosed I kept the diagnosis to my family and about 4 close friends. I did not want their advice, I guess. I did not want anyone to say, "It will be ok". I needed to find my way first emotionally and spiritually before I was ready to let others in.
Well, I am starting to ramble. I renewed myself today with extra sleep and sitting outdoors looking at the sky and flowers and listening to the birds sing. That and the 'visits' from those who share my boat made me smile...real big!