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Hello, We are very new to this, so if I should as though I am just carrying on, I apologize.
My husband & I have 4 adult children& 5 grandkids. We feel very very blessed to have such wonderful memories with them all. Let me begin,
Our son & his girlfriend of 2 years, has had a beautiful son. For the 1st 6 months Mom & dad doing just great with the new face & changes in their lives. Dad working 2 jobs to make ends meet, Mom working from home on the computer. They had decided that perhaps they should move where there were more job opportunities so dad could have just one job & be able to spend more time at home. I thought this was great & very responsible of 2 young parents. So, after the move, Dad gets a good job only 3 miles from home, Mom still has her computer job & they are getting by better than before. Mom & Dad finally have a few extra dollars saved aside. Mom starts "needing" to spend more than they can make on expensive designer clothing for herself, Lots of make up & jewelry, while my little grandson was not eating solid foods yet cause she said it was too expensive & she as told they don't need anything but a bottle until they are a year old. At this point he is 10 months old. Our son used to put little cheerios on his try & baby crackers. She would be just livid! When he was at our house, he got good old fashioned mashed potatoes, carrots & peas....He just LOVED them!
Mom began getting tired of the town they were in. Said it was not fast enough for her. So she told our son she wanted to move. Not having the money he said they would have to save for 6 months then in the meantime look around to see what is out there. Mom in the meantime files for child support, has it sent to her mothers house & collects 1500.00 dollars WHILE still living with our son & him supporting all three of them, Am I wrong or ISN'T THAT FRAUD???
She stashes the money, gets a ticket for herself & takes our Grandson with her to Another state. She told our son that her mother bought her the ticket & that she would be staying with her until he got there. Our grandson at this point is 2 1/2. While they were gone, our son has a garage sale, saves money so that he may leave as well to be with his family. In the meantime, he gets letters from the state stating her owes child support. Then it all hit the fan. He had no clue. THe state office took his statement as well as that of family & friends who knew the situation. The only thing that was done, is our son had his income tax return check garnished. Thats not right. Mom in the meantime tells Dad she wants him to stay away & he will never see his son again. Her words were " I gave birth to his & he is MY son". Still collecting child support mind you.
Well, dad is heart broken & at this point, just wants to be close to his son. Because they were not married, he feels he has no rights & isn't willing to stir the pot for his rights. Of course we are just so angry at him. He always said, I know her better than you & she will get tired of our son & I will end up with him. I just have to be patient. Well, HE WAS RIGHT! 9 months had passed & she calls him. She has meet a guy t hat will take her down the fast road & the only set back is he wants to move to Hawaii & he doesn't like or want kids. Our grandson is almost 3 1/2 at this point.
SO dad asks us if we would mind he & his son living with us for a bit to put some money away. Of course YES!!! Dad buys a round trip ticket for himself & a one way for the grandson. This is in May of 2007. THey get settled in to our sons old bedroom & make a home. Mom calls about once a month, sends no support, nor does she see him for a year. With in that year, she had moved to Hawaii, got dumped, picked up another one, moved to NY, where she became gothic, got dumped, picked up another one & moved to Chicago, dumped again & moved back to Washington to stay with her mom for awhile. Our grandson is 4 1/2 at this point. Dad has a hard time feels its too much & takes up drinking. Telling him he needs a new fresh start, he moves to Oregon. This way, he can only be a drive away from mom who has in the last 2 weeks said she would like to see him. OK....their decisions, but we did tell our son that he needed to find a place to settle as soon as he could do to stability for his son & school would be starting.
Mom gets her life back to NON WILD, but still is uncertain wether or not she want to have her son. SO dad moves closer to mom so that mom may have weekend visits if she so chooses. Mom visits him 3 times in 6 month & misses his 5th birthday & she is only 20 minutes away! Our son got an opportunity to work a construction site with habitat for humanity & make a few dollars through a contractor. So he asked MOM if she would be able to care for him for a month......she said NO. Not even with the extra money he would have given her. So he then tells her we will be taking him while he is away. No problem....great idea!! We of course would love to spend time with him. This is Feb 2009. Our granson arrived in Alaska Feb 22 2009....WELL....
Since then, the company our son worked for turned out to be fraudulent , Our son feels like a failure so he starts back up with the drinking. Get son unemployment, then as it runs out he takes odd jobs to stay a float. All while sleeping a a friends sofa & paying him 200 a month. Mom found a guy that owns his own condo. They go out to casino's & blow money like it grows on trees. Still NO help from Mom or Dad now. They still only live 20 minutes apart from each other & all have become friends. We asked Mom & Dad in AUGUST when it might be that the little guy can go back home. They replied, when we can afford to provide for him. So we said GET WITH IT!!!!!! The little guy has a God given right to be with his parents in a home that he feels stable in. So we discussed it & told them that if the little guy was going to be here any longer than the 20th of Aug, we were going to enroll him in Kindergarden So he would not be behind. If we had to enroll him in school, they would leave him with us until the end of the school year as to not interrupt school & his stability. They agreed. Our son wrote out a paper & had it notarized giving us temporary guardianship to act upon his behalf to care for his son. Mom started calling 2 times a month now instead of once. Dad still calls every other night. Christmas was great. Mom & dad both sent packages & have been informed of how well he is doing in school & has lots of friends. He takes swimming lessons, has gymnastics as well as boy scouts.
Mom has enrolled in school & wants to be a nurse. She gets grants & money from the state for post traumatic stress syndrome. Dad is writing & going to be enrolled this next quarter for creative arts....song & commercial writing stuff. Going great for them. This is what we all wanted....well.........
Mom has decided she wants her son & she wants him right now. Not caring that he still has a life here with school & activities & most importantly, stability for the last year! Dad wants him to stay here fearing it will cause him traumatic stress. Finish the school year as agreed in the beginning, then go back in the summer. He would have more one on one time in the summer than with everyone in school. Mom is pulling the I am his mother to the point of threatening kidnapping charges. I did not kidnap him. He has lived with us for a year with her approval. If I had kidnapped him, why did she send christmas gifts for him. I am at a loss as to what to do.
I want what is best for everyone but mostly our grandson. Going back right this minute cause she wants him right this minute, I feel is wrong. I have expressed this to her & she said it is only kindergarten & he can make new friends in a new school. Because he has not been with her for 3 years nor our son for a year, we feel that if he goes now, he will not want to attend school right away thinking mom & dad are not coming back. This child had night mares for the first 2 months he was here not to mention not wanting to let us out of his sight in fear that we won't return. He is totally different now. I feel it is because he feels safe & secure.
Guess what I am asking for is advise as to what should I do. Do I fight for the rest of the school year as was originally the agreement, or just send him off & hope for the best. Neither parent has custody through the courts. All has been verbal agreements. Please, anyone out there have some advise?
Concerned for the tender heart
Every state has different laws, so check with a legal professional as to your rights. My heart goes out to you. js