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My youngest so went off to college for the first time a few days ago. It has been only a week almost since our parting. Since I am a widow there was no one there to console me but God. Every day I have come home from work to a quiet and seemingly empty house. My middle son asleep until closer to 10 pm because he works the grave yard shift at work, and my oldest who at least for this past week has been working late, coming home late, and then practicing for some gaming competition has come in and taken over the T.V. And virtually ignored me to spend time with his friends. I haven't had a renter in here for a month so no banter there. Quite honestly many nights I catch myself staying up late to catch a glimps of one of my children or waiting for my youngest to walk through the door, get really tired waiting and finally resign myself to dragging myself to bed where hopefully I will get a good nights sleep.
On one hand it isn't as bad a I thought it would be, and yet on the other hand it sucks. It is like there is this cosmic trade off going on that someone findes extremely funny to watch from a far but it doesn't feel funny to you. My energy is better than it has been in 6.5 years. My muscles are not screaming at me with pain from head to toe and in spite of the hours I work and the fact that those hours prevent me from taking college classes to complete my degree and better position myself from being unemployed again, I find myself with time, energy, and cognitive ability after work to burn. These are all good things. I should be funneling all this blessing into studying for my insurance license so I can go to work for Aflac and position myself where I can quit the nursing home I work at. It will all happen in good time. What is holding me back? One last transition. I really need to rent out two rooms in my home so that I don't have the worry of financially being able to pay all the bills on time. God has been extremely faithful in providing for me and my kids the same as a husband would over the years and this time is no different even if I haven't always been faithful to Him after all I am not perfect.
I am really looking forward to getting those rooms rented out and adjusting to two new people being in my home and then settling into a new routine myself that will impact my future for years to come and hopefully not only provide financially for when I can no longer work, but also give me the flexability to travel and spend time with my brother and sisters before I start having to go to their funerals. Being the youngest of the group it is not something I look forward to. My growing up years were not exactly happy ones being the youngest of seven in a divorced family, I would like to make the later years better than the beginning years.
I hope sharing my personal thoughts here and what I am going through has got you thinking. Life is short. To short to allow it to slip through your fingers wishing you had done something instead of doing it. What is it you want to do?