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During divorce i was going nuts i went to every kind of support group to help me thru what i was going thru like the ones you mentioned below plus more, now i have moved farther from them the ones i was going to during divorce but feel i am ok just do not know where to take the first step on finding myself and who i am. So much i had done as hobbies when i was young but not sure they are something i want to get back into this is my point now just do not know where to start and what to do , nothing is appealing to me at this time except dating or finding companionship which i know deep inside that i am not ready for a relationship yet. Just conflicting emotions i have now. Maybe i should meditate more on this matter.
In Response to Re: Losing Self:
I can only imagine how you are feeling. I did not go directly from my parents to my husband and I know how much I lost myself. I will never forget sitting in the therapist's office that I was hoping would hold marriage #3 together and having him tell me that I didn't even know myself. I thought I did. But he was right and I was wrong.
I don't know if you have a therapist or not but if you don't I hope you will get one. I can't imagine going through this journey alone. If you are seeing one and he doesn't seem to be helping, perhaps you are not going to the right one. My therapist sent me to a support group called ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics). I thought he was crazy because my parents were not alcoholic, but I was so desperate that I went and he was right. I identified with everything they were saying. Then he sent me to Coda (Codependents Anonymous) and I know you would fit there. Anyone who has lived with abuse belongs there.
I also read every book I could find on the topic of Codependency, Alcoholism, Addiction, Spirituality, and any other topic that seemed to fit in that category. I cleaned out bookstores. In fact my best friend became the owner of a self-help bookstore.
Changes are scary, even small changes, and it sounds like you are making lots of big ones. Be gentle with yourself. It won't happen overnight but some day you will look back and see that this has been the best thing that has ever happened to you.
Good luck, and if there's anything I can do to help, let me know. I'm glad you are reaching out for support. Things can get better.
In Response to Re: Losing Self:
I do not feel depressed i feel lost. Like i thought i knew who i was when married, i was his wife, mother but empty nester, grandmother, on the way to retirement then to find i have no husband and no kids or anyone to support or even care if i exist. As of date i have lost everyone i knew and all alone and this is the first time being alone i went straight from parents to married to 35 yrs into it. So being lost is how i feel , actually do not know who i am anymore since the divorce. Being with an abusive and demanding man for so many yrs i lost my life and who i was with him and the family. I had to do what he wanted or was punished. I could not leave because i had no money or anywhere to go. So mostly now i am trying to find out who i am and what i like without anyone telling me it is wrong or not to do. Searching for the inner peace now. Just hope i find ME again.
Posted by Seshmet9
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