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So sorry for all those unhappy years! It always amazes me when people complain after a divorce, as your X has, instead of working on the problems while IN the marriage! I am convinced that at least 1/2 of the divorces could have been avoided if BOTH spouses had been open-minded and willing to work on the relationship.
I can totally understand why you are leary of marriage. You discovered that for some people, it is simply a piece of paper; not a comittment to the relationship. And, you probably have been delighted to learn that you can live without a man in your life, too.
My X divorced me for another woman. He refused counceling. I was devasted. But, I discovered my freedom and learned to love it. I found a wonderful man on-line, too. We live in the same condo building now. We share most meals, go out, travel and in many ways carry on life as a married couple. Yet, we still have our own individual homes. So far, it is working out very well.
In Response to Re: why marriages fail after 25 years:
I was married for 25 years and not happily. My ex husband is a nice guy but lousy husband material.
He never held a steady job, spent the little money we had, and constantly bought beyond his means. The phone didn't stop ringing with his creditors. He did work at various good paying jobs throughout the years. However, he mortgaged our home three times, each time promising to limit his boundless spending: tools, cars and who knows what else.
While I worked several jobs, entertained our family during holidays, was homemaker, cook, etc. he volunteered in community life as though he had all the time in the world.
Moreover, our sex life was nil or close to it. He swore up and down that he didn't have a girlfriend on the side. I asked him about counseling, but he didn't believe in it as he had gone to counseling as a teenager and didn't feel it served any purpose. As I responded we weren't teenagers any longer and our marriage was in trouble, he ignored my requests for counseling, promised to change, and continued with his lifestyle.
Calls from creditors continued...
Approaching our 25th year anniversary, I reflected and decided I am still attractive, although never a beauty, could not continue another 25 years (if I had it) and had had enough.
The children (2), now adults, were traumatized. Surely, they must have seen it coming. My oldest sided with her dad, and I am the guilty party. My younger child, to her credit, took no side.
He cries on Facebook how I did him wrong.
Now, two years later, I'm sorry I didn't divorce him sooner. I live a modest lifestyle, stay in contact with my children, and have a good man in my life (through a dating site--yes, the sites do work, and I've had some adventures). He is retired, a wonderful lover, and wants to marry.
The trouble we have is that I do not want to marry...again.
Thank you for allowing me to share my small story to add to the mix.
Posted by pd1570