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My dad died Dec. 19, 2011 after a long illness. My relationship with him was complicated, distant and strained. I did not see him or say goodbye to him before he died, and now wish I'd made an effort to when there was still time. I didn't attend his memorial as I felt my presence would be unwelcome and upsetting to my step-mother and the rest of the family.
Last week my sister called me and informed me that my dad had left me an insurance policy and that it was his wish that I spend the money on myself. I was shocked, upset, and even more guilt-ridden when I got this news. I feel almost paralyzed by my grief, and while I'm blessed to have a husband who is trying to be supportive and understanding, there just isn't anything he can do to help me. I can't even help me.
I don't know how to deal with the painful emotions I feel. I haven't lost a parent before and this hurts worse than anything I've ever experienced. Has anyone else dealt with a similar situation? Any comments, suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.