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I am so sorry for your loss. I was devastated when my husband passed away 4 year ago. We had been married for 47 years. My husband had a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 52 and he lived for 20 years after that. He lived here at home with me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was his caregiver. I miss him so much but I have learned to go on. It is not easy, believe me but I think that you come to a fork in the road in your life. There are a lot of decisions that you will have to make but don't rush yourself. Give yourself a little time here. My favorite verse in the Bible is, "There Is A Time For Everything", Ecclesiastes 3.1-13 I have found comfort in coming to the different groups and being able to post my honest feelings about things. Things that I would not want to tell my two sons about the way I feel. Here, there are others who understand because they are either going through or have been through the same thing. My husbands birthday is the 30th of this month. I will go out to the cemetery and leave him a single red rose that I do on special occasions.
There are a couple of other things that I do to that may give you some idea. I have a picture of my husband on a table in my living room, next to his picture I have a small vase and I will put a fresh flower in when I have one. I also have a little area in my backyard that I use as a remembrance garden. I just have a rose bush planted there and a little figure of our dog a few other little things that I have put there. I haven't told anyone else about my little remembrance garden, I don't think they would quite understand.
But, I have moved on and once again I do get pleasure out of life again. So, give yourself some time. It won't be easy but you can do it.