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You have no respect for tradition. Total ignorance of proper mob protocol. Everyone knows tar-and-feathers is not for witches and wizards. Substitute tar balls for stones or turnips? Now you are really being ridiculous. Too squishy, and my mind shudders at the thought, they might stick. We are talking about a stoning.
Well phooey, you just rained on my brilliant plan bigtime. How about using horse apples then?