First: January 24, 2014
Last: January 25, 2014
% Love Loss & Forgiveness = Liberation ???
In my lifetime and over the years, I've met a number of people, men and women, who were betrayed and treated unfairly by someone they loved and cared for deeply. When things like this happen, they leave deep emotional scars for those who were injured, with what seems to be, the impossible task of recovery. Every failed relationship carries with it some form of remorse, grief, guilt or regret. These are all normal reactions to loss, and are typically overshadowed by anger, resentment and bitterness in a relatively short amount of time.
What typically ensues after such a tragedy, is that we draw an imaginary line in the sand, and threaten anyone who dare attempt crossing it, with statements like, no one will ever do that to me again, or from this day forward, things are going to be on my terms. These emotional outburst are normal, and serve as a defense mechanism in the short term, however if continued, they will surely destroy any chance of recovery and make it nearly impossible to trust or love ever again.
Finding a way to forgive someone who has betrayed you trust, or has abused your kindness and generosity, will likely be one of the most difficult tasks of you life. The emotional scars left by such an event are overwhelming, and take control of our thoughts, making it difficult to think clearly when dealing with our feelings. As difficult as it may appear, and as impossible as it may seem, unless we find a way of forgiving those who have hurt or injured us, we will be trapped in our own anger, resentment and bitterness, making it difficult and likely impossible to have a loving, trusting relationship with anyone new.
I have had such a tragedy in my life. Eleven years ago my wife ended a nineteen year relationship and dissolver our marriage. We at the time were the parents of a ten year old son, who elected to remain with me, while his mother moved on to her future life, with someone new. I spent a considerable amount of time, looking for a way to save our marriage, and eventually realized that she wasn't interested, and wanted it to end, so it did. As time went on, I experienced the remorse, grief, guilt and regret mentioned above, which was quickly replaced with anger, resentment and bitterness, leaving me trapped by what had happened.
Time passed, and I was eventually able to reconcile the loss of our marriage, realizing there was no way of save it, and wanted nothing more from my former wife, but her acknowledgement that I had been a good provider to she and our family for nineteen years, and that I was a wonderful father to our son, which I was, and still am. The acknowledgement never came, and as time passed, my resentment and anger grew to the point I became paralyzed by what had happened. It took me six months of counseling and countless numbers of prayers to finally forgive her for not giving me credit for being a good provider and father. My son remained with me and we have a loving father son relationship to this day.
So here's my challenge to you, if you find yourself living a life plagued with anger, resentment and bitterness over being betrayed or mistreated by someone you once loved, know this. I forgave my former wife, not for her, but for me. She was simply too selfish and self centered to care that I had spent nineteen years of my life dedicated to our family, or that I was a wonderful father.
I will suggest that its likely impossible to build a future with someone whose stuck in the past, and that is why some times ( Love, Loss and Forgiveness = Liberation ). In forgiving my former wife for what she had done, I liberated myself so that I could have a meaningful future, and removed myself from living in the past, and the paralysis that accompanied it.
P.S. This article is not about me, my life is stable, it about helping someone who may be struggling with the events of their past, find their way to a new future. I hope you find some value it it's words, and if you happen to be one of those people, I hope you too discover the liberating power of forgiveness.