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Living with Adult Kids
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Friends & Family
Living with Adult Kids
<font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="1">Grandparents, parents, aunties and uncles — As the song says, we are fa-mi-ly. Here’s where you brag about your grandchildren. Yeah, we know. They are cuties.</font>
The topic of living with adult kids has come up recently. I've even had several good friends move back home, despite the fact they're well into their 30s. What do you all think of this? Have you recen
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Cat:8548aeff-cf8c-4e73-ad17-e0a4380e2232Forum:a47c5bda-a19a-4b46-bc7f-cfd0802bd1a8
Cat:8548aeff-cf8c-4e73-ad17-e0a4380e2232Forum:a47c5bda-a19a-4b46-bc7f-cfd0802bd1a8Discussion:4f3d15dc-336a-4710-a641-3a5d74b53baf
Forums » Relationships » Friends & Family » Living with Adult Kids
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Living with Adult Kids
posted at May 25, 2012 11:50 AM EDT
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Posts: 42
First: May 26, 2010 Last: July 2, 2012 |
The topic of living with adult kids has come up recently. I've even had several good friends move back home, despite the fact they're well into their 30s. What do you all think of this? Have you recently had adult kids move home? Or are you an adult kid who moved back in with mom and dad? We recently posted a story on rules to protect parents health/savings when this happens, so I thought it might be a good discussion. And if you have some tips to dealing with this, please share. =) |
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at May 26, 2012 11:22 AM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: May 26, 2012 Last: May 26, 2012 |
What about having an adult child wit kids moving back home? We often get the guilt trip of not having a hot meal for our grandchild to eat for dinner. Our son takes him out for a good portion of the day, but then expects us to take care of him every evening. We have no complaints about our son spending time with him, but don't think it is our responsibility to handle him when he grows tired at the end of the day. |
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at May 29, 2012 11:19 AM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: May 29, 2012 Last: May 29, 2012 |
i recently had my son move back home, after a nasty divorce, he lost his house to fore-closure, I recently down sized to a 2 bedroom ranch, and now I have him and my 3 grand-children on the week-ends...I don't mind, he is trying to find his own place but is having difficulty finding one for all of them due to the amount of child support he has to pay....he is a harding working guy, not at all a dead beat dad....I will help him all I can to get him back on his feet..... |
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at May 29, 2012 4:48 PM EDT
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Posts: 2
First: May 29, 2012 Last: June 14, 2012 |
I have gotten very close to divorce because of it. First my husband's 33 year old daughter moved in with her 10 year old. We agreed that she was to get an education and do housekeeping in return for room and board. She did not. Five years later i put her out. Next the grownup grandaughter moved back here with her boyfriend. They had a baby and moved out. Lost the baby and moved back in. He lost his job. She was supposed to get help with her drug problems and her mental illness issues. Inbetween I have assaulted and robbed. Now they are finally realizing that if they want their child back they need to get jobs and other types of aid. In the meantime I still consider divorce. |
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at May 30, 2012 2:47 AM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: May 30, 2012 Last: May 30, 2012 |
My adult son, now 34, moved back with me after losing his condo to foreclosure. That was 3 yrs ago. Since then, he was in an auto accident and had some physical problems, but he is still able to work. He got his 'process serving' certification and does some work for one of his brothers; however, that is not enough to be on his own. He also got a certification to be a nursing assistant, but has since decided he doesn't want to do that type of job. He gets food stamps and buys what he likes, when he likes. Even when I do ask him to do things around the house, he says I'm 'bitching' at him. Meanwhile, I tiptoe around my home so as not to wake him because he sleeps at all hours of the day and night. He's filled up my garage with his personal belongings so as not to pay storage. I'm fed up with his cavalier attitude and lack of respect for me. At times, I resent his presence, and retreat to my room just to be alone. I think I've been more than patient and understanding to his situation. Now 65, I still need to work to keep my head above water after losing my job 3 yrs ago. This is no way I anticipated moving forward into retirement. Unfortunately, I did not set any standards for him and I'm now suffering the consequences. Don't let this happen to you. |
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at June 6, 2012 1:37 PM EDT
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Posts: 3
First: April 10, 2012 Last: June 22, 2012 |
It can definitely be rough to have adult kids living at home-as evidenced by these posts! Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of times adult children want the benefits of mom and dad, but none of the rules! And, I think it's vital for there be some boundaries set in place ahead of time if these sort of living arrangements are going to work (easier said than done I know!). But, when discussing this issue with others during my time at Focus on the Family, I've heard the book Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children has been really helpful to parents in your shoes. This article may also give you some food for thought. So, just some material to consider-I hope it helps. Hang in there! |
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at June 6, 2012 2:30 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: June 6, 2012 Last: June 6, 2012 |
In Response to Re: Living with Adult Kids: My adult son, now 34, moved back with me after losing his condo to foreclosure. That was 3 yrs ago. Since then, he was in an auto accident and had some physical problems, but he is still able to work. He got his 'process serving' certification and does some work for one of his brothers; however, that is not enough to be on his own. He also got a certification to be a nursing assistant, but has since decided he doesn't want to do that type of job. He gets food stamps and buys what he likes, when he likes. Even when I do ask him to do things around the house, he says I'm 'bitching' at him. Meanwhile, I tiptoe around my home so as not to wake him because he sleeps at all hours of the day and night. He's filled up my garage with his personal belongings so as not to pay storage. I'm fed up with his cavalier attitude and lack of respect for me. At times, I resent his presence, and retreat to my room just to be alone. I think I've been more than patient and understanding to his situation. Now 65, I still need to work to keep my head above water after losing my job 3 yrs ago. This is no way I anticipated moving forward into retirement. Unfortunately, I did not set any standards for him and I'm now suffering the consequences. Don't let this happen to you. Posted by 65aroundthecorner This sounds so much like our situation. We DID set the standards and rules when our 30 year old son moved back home a year ago, but he refuses to live up to them. I would kick him out in heartbeat and not care what bridge he was living under, but he has a child and I cannot kick her out. Going to live with her abusive mother is a worse situation. So I take the verbal abuse he spews out and refuse to take the ticket that he tries to give me to the guilt trip. I work extra to pay for the additional that he costs us and pray that we will still be able to retire as we had planned, and pray that neither one of use has a heart attack or stroke first. It is nice to know that others are struggling too.
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at June 10, 2012 5:40 PM EDT
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Posts: 20
First: October 21, 2011 Last: June 10, 2012 |
Wow. It's easy to say, "Not in a million years", but I understand that situations come up sometimes that are out of our control. THIS however, isn't one of them unless we allow it. I do know some families that this kind of arrangement works very well for- those being the ones where the adult kids are working and helping to carry the financial and household load. They take physical and emotional care of their own children with possibly the exception of getting them off to school because their own job starts earlier or mom/dad being caretaker for a few hours after school until parent gets home from work. The Grandchild KNOWS this is Gparents home and we are guests here, we WILL respect them and their rules in THEIR home. C'mon, realistically we know our kids and what kind of "houseguest/room mate" they will be. If they haven't been responsible in their own life they sure won't suddenly develop responsibility moved back into YOUR home. And believe me, they know exactly which big "WAAAHH" to use to get us to fold for one more day, week, month... I know I have been extremely, and I DO mean EXTREMELY fortunate with 2 of my 3 kids (one still at home-17yo hs senior next year). I DID allow my oldest to move in when she was abandoned by her husband at just a few months pregnant and he couldn't be found, her income alone couldn't keep up their house. She quickly found a loft on a friends farm to gestate most of the rest of her pregnancy, then moved back to share an apartment with youngest dd and I with her newborn- still working- As we got her set up on waiting lists for low-income housing and other temp benefits. I'd say it took about 8 months for her to get her own place and she has done very well. Gson is now 5 (in Aug) and a happy active boy. Next dd? Let her move in for ANY reason? NOT EVER. Quietly among oldest and I, we have fiqured out logistics for the 3yogdd should mom get out of control or need a shelter, but no, she and her chosen lifestyle is not welcome. It's looking good for her and gdd right now, but history shows she tends to sabotage every time her life gets "too simple". One who thrives on self created chaos that I refuse to be a part of. Yes, it pains me deeply to see her struggle, especially when it's so totally unnecessary, but I feel they will never learn from the struggle if they don't live and survive it. WE teach them to be dependant adults. I hope that didn't come off as a rant, not meant to be. Just personal experience. And now as some of my own physical ailments come and go to a greater extent, the oldest and youngest like to argue over "Who gets mom". Oldest and her family want me to move in with them, youngest says she won't move out after high school and wants to "take care of me". Of course it makes me feel wonderfully loved and WANTED, but no, I can't see doing that to any of them. I've always been independant and wish them to be also. It can be a rough road ay? |
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at July 9, 2012 6:39 PM EDT
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Posts: 934
First: September 16, 2011 Last: May 17, 2013 |
OK, so you decide to let your adult children move back home, but , would you charge them rent? Do you expect them to pay for food, or other expenses? Is that too much for a parent to ask? |
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Re: Living with Adult Kids
posted at September 21, 2012 11:44 AM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: September 21, 2012 Last: September 21, 2012 |
My daughter is 24, has a job, and is still at home. She feels she can't afford to move out. I am divorced, and facing retirement. My daughter refuses to clean her room or her belongings. She has debris in the basement, guest room, bathroom, and wants to move her excercise ellipitical into the family room. When I refused, she became verbally abusive. It has been this way for a long time. She won't pay rent, and contributes nothing to the household. I have told her it is time to be on her own, and she refuses. She says there is nothing I can do to make her leave until she is ready. Three times I have had junk haulers clean out her mess. She says if I do it again, I would have to reimburse her. It took years for me to pay off and own my house. I feel like it is her filth, and there is little I can do. |
Forums » Relationships » Friends & Family » Living with Adult Kids
