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Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
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Friends & Family
Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
<font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="1">Grandparents, parents, aunties and uncles — As the song says, we are fa-mi-ly. Here’s where you brag about your grandchildren. Yeah, we know. They are cuties.</font>
If you have experienced estrangement from a family member, you know the pain,and hurt feelings can be difficult to cope with. When family gatherings , like holidays, occur, how do you deal with it? Ar
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Cat:8548aeff-cf8c-4e73-ad17-e0a4380e2232Forum:a47c5bda-a19a-4b46-bc7f-cfd0802bd1a8Discussion:994d474b-4b7d-4029-ae5f-6794e18b1793
Forums » Relationships » Friends & Family » Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at July 1, 2012 4:51 PM EDT
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Posts: 10
First: January 25, 2012 Last: July 10, 2012 |
pgmrjaf;It is not easy, it will probably be the hardest thing you ever do, but you have to stop torturing yourself thinking about her. She obviously has mental problems to put up with abuse, and then shut out the one that loves her the most and tries to help her! Some day she will come back, she should finally, some day figure it all out and see what a fool she's being right now. Good luck to you. |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at July 1, 2012 5:38 PM EDT
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Posts: 9
First: May 23, 2012 Last: March 9, 2013 |
I keep getting messages but can never read thyem. I have complained before about AArp terrible communication syste, Now in order to avaois frustration I will stop using it...SORRY TO ALL OF THOSE WHO TRIED TO REACH Elizabethh |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at July 1, 2012 5:56 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: July 1, 2012 Last: July 1, 2012 |
I have been very sad since 2010. My son and daughterinlaw lost their baby at 15 months. It was very devastating for all of our family. I almost had two heart attacks but it seems like my son stopped calling me. I called him twice a week for two months and left messages for him to call me and he never returned my phone calls. I wanted to talk to him and try to comfort him because of his loss. I have seen my son twice in two years and when he sees me, he tells me he loves me and misses me but no further contact. I received a note last week that they were expecting another baby. I was so happy. I did call him and he returned my phone call and we discusssed the new baby. I did call and invite them to dinner but they declined. I am at my wits end not knowing what to do. I don;t want to push and this whole situation has taken a tremendous toll on my health. I love my son and daughterinlaw but I really do not what direction to take this except to keep praying that God will heal their hearts and make them realize how important family . Mother with a heartache! |
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How Does One Cope with the Loss!
posted at July 1, 2012 5:57 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: July 1, 2012 Last: July 1, 2012 |
I don't think there is an answer to this pain. I have lost the youth of 5 grandchildren because of two angry daughters. I still do not know what I have done to deserve this terrible ban. I really am not able to forgive this situation after all what now. The girls are in there 50's and I really am beyond sadness. All I ever wanted was to be a grandmother and mother who could help out and be there. It is passed and that's that. The AA creed is the only thing I can call on. Also don't be sad because it's over but smile because it happened does not apply. All we really have is now. Dpopcorn |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at July 2, 2012 10:15 AM EDT
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Posts: 12
First: June 9, 2012 Last: July 22, 2012 |
Holidays suck, I try to avoid them and honker down until they are over, it's too bad if my kids are waiting for an inheritance because I am spending all of it and giving it to people who appreciate it. I still put some of the blame on the new wives and husbands for not nurturing the relationship between bioparents and their kids. It is great to have this forum, I had always felt so alone and never spoke about my problem to anyone. Kept it all inside, after a certain age, kids make up their own minds and we have no control over what they do, only God knows what they are thinking, it would be much easier to just ask the questions. I have come far in my own self-awareness and sometimes forget that all people are not at the same level. I have a facebook page and have had the same address for 10 years, they know where to find me. But I am sure by now they have some kids and pity them for what they are going to experience, funny, both times when I got pregnant, by their father, my ex, he told me to get an abortion, but I did not. I did find one of my sons on the internet a few years ago and he told me, give me the 50000 that you owe my dad, (for what?), and I told him his check is in the mail, people cannot deny that they have two biological parents somewhere in the world. There was a hiatus of 10 years when I was off by myself away from my parents to get away from the crazy makers and the alcoholics. But eventually resolved, my dad got cancer and died in 2000. My dad also kept us away from our mother for many years, he was able to move us, being military, and in those days, no internet to find anyone. But I found my mother and reestablished our relationship, funny, now that she is dead, I realize I never really knew her, but I do remember all of the violence and alcohol, after my dad came back from Vietnam. So............the thoughts of loss come to my mind, but I am healthy body wise, and sometimes do miss 'the family'. My concern is that my boys will carry unecessary anger for the rest of their lives for no reason, I checked their dads and stepmommies facebook pages and there are no pics of either one of my sons, maybe there are estranged also. He went on to have two more with her, and no mention of my sons on their pages either. When I get to Heaven all of my questions will be answered. It is my faith in the Lord that has helped me survive, I was suicidal at one point, but did not want them to remember me that way. Upward and Onward Di
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Re: How Does One Cope with the Loss!
posted at July 2, 2012 10:21 AM EDT
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Posts: 12
First: June 9, 2012 Last: July 22, 2012 |
In Response to How Does One Cope with the Loss!: I don't think there is an answer to this pain. I have lost the youth of 5 grandchildren because of two angry daughters. I still do not know what I have done to deserve this terrible ban. I really am not able to forgive this situation after all what now. The girls are in there 50's and I really am beyond sadness. All I ever wanted was to be a grandmother and mother who could help out and be there. It is passed and that's that. The AA creed is the only thing I can call on. Also don't be sad because it's over but smile because it happened does not apply. All we really have is now. Dpopcorn Posted by DSR43 I, too, have not had the opportunity to enjoy kids or grandkids, I am interested to know how many of us there are, I am sure many, as many people I know are estranged from their kids, but I think it is something that is not spoken about. I guess it is a hurt that will never heal, but we just learn to keep going. Our society and the media is so focused on 'the family' really how many do you know living in this fantasy? Di
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at July 2, 2012 10:33 AM EDT
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Posts: 12
First: June 9, 2012 Last: July 22, 2012 |
I think that part of the problem is that many, many, many people live vicariously through their kids, grandkids, etc. we have to find a way to fill our lives with things that do not include, kids, grandkids, great grand kids, I notice many people are proud of their kids and grandkids, etc., so how do we fill that void? |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at July 2, 2012 4:10 PM EDT
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Posts: 10
First: January 25, 2012 Last: July 10, 2012 |
In Response to Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?: I think that part of the problem is that many, many, many people live vicariously through their kids, grandkids, etc. we have to find a way to fill our lives with things that do not include, kids, grandkids, great grand kids, I notice many people are proud of their kids and grandkids, etc., so how do we fill that void? Posted by Fearby With friends, and/or pets! Seriously, there is no other way. I enjoy my own company, I have a cat, but even if I didn't have a cat, I would be fine, I have good friends and a boyfriend that lives nearby, I never get lonely. I have friends with daughters about my own daughter's age, and they are wonderful "kids" that I can enjoy, I sure can't enjoy my own daughter any more, and she has her own life to live. She does not care about me and I no longer care about her; that's the way she wants it, unless she can use me, she won't come around. |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at July 2, 2012 5:33 PM EDT
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Posts: 936
First: September 16, 2011 Last: May 20, 2013 |
In Response to Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?: I have been very sad since 2010. My son and daughterinlaw lost their baby at 15 months. It was very devastating for all of our family. I almost had two heart attacks but it seems like my son stopped calling me. I called him twice a week for two months and left messages for him to call me and he never returned my phone calls. I wanted to talk to him and try to comfort him because of his loss. I have seen my son twice in two years and when he sees me, he tells me he loves me and misses me but no further contact. I received a note last week that they were expecting another baby. I was so happy. I did call him and he returned my phone call and we discusssed the new baby. I did call and invite them to dinner but they declined. I am at my wits end not knowing what to do. I don;t want to push and this whole situation has taken a tremendous toll on my health. I love my son and daughterinlaw but I really do not what direction to take this except to keep praying that God will heal their hearts and make them realize how important family . Mother with a heartache! Posted by PeggyCrisp They have experienced the loss of a baby, and , even after a year, it is very hard. You have showm them you are interested in a relationship with them, and hopefully, after this child is born, they will feel they can continue to see you. For people who have lost a child, emotions are so strong, and their spirits are so low, it is hard to get through the days. They have a new hope for new life now, and you should try to be patient. Meanwhile, keep yourself busy, with your friends, and your own activities, and when, and if , they do come around they will see you are doing fine. Good luck to you, PeggyCrisp! |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at July 3, 2012 4:36 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: July 3, 2012 Last: July 3, 2012 |
In Response to Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?: My daughter, who is now 37, told me three and a half years ago that she never wanted to see me again, and that if I tried to to contact her or her family, she would take legal action against me. My son, with whom I have a wonderful, loving relationship, tried to intervene, and she told him to stay out of the situation. How do I cope? I don't. I am not coping. I am grieving the loss of my once very loving and close daughter and her daughters on a daily basis. I feel ashamed, humiliated, and a failure as a parent. I'm about to go back to therapy. Both of her daughters, now 7 and 5, were born with birth defects, so I suspect that I am the recepient of her rage and pain from this most difficult of traumas. I feel powerless to make any moves to re-connect since she will not accept a call, letter or gift from me. Recently, I have simply given up, in an attempt to honor her pushing me away, hoping that in time, if she doesn't seek to re-connect, that perhaps my granddaughters will try to find me. Her dad and I are divorced. My current husband thinks she's crazy. His beautiful and loving daughters have "adopted" me and call me mom and I love them dearly. But it hurts so much to have lost my little girl and I would do almost anything to re-connect with her and her family. I am open to any suggestions . . . I have son that feels the way your daughter feels! It hurts at first, it really does! But you have to give it up and give it to God. Once you pray and give it to God you will see your life different and see that child different. Now all you can do is pray for that child and family that they be safe and one day your granddaughters will reach out to you. But untill that time comes continue to pray and be happy! Posed by 72mama73Posted by Divalexa |
Forums » Relationships » Friends & Family » Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
