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Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
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Friends & Family
Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
<font face="arial,helvetica,sans-serif" size="1">Grandparents, parents, aunties and uncles — As the song says, we are fa-mi-ly. Here’s where you brag about your grandchildren. Yeah, we know. They are cuties.</font>
If you have experienced estrangement from a family member, you know the pain,and hurt feelings can be difficult to cope with. When family gatherings , like holidays, occur, how do you deal with it? Ar
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Forums » Relationships » Friends & Family » Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at March 9, 2013 11:36 AM EST
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Posts: 9
First: May 23, 2012 Last: March 9, 2013 |
In Response to Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope? : Hi, elizabethh4, Good to hear from you again! And, very good to hear you are dealing with it positively. Time heals all wounds? Happiness is certainly a choice, and , we are in charge of that choice more than we realize. Sometimes, we choose to try again , though. Sometimes we look for our loved ones, and hope we can re-build a broken relationship. This is not easy, and carries that fear of rejection, anger, and , turmoil back into our lives. But, sometimes, we decide to risk it, and reach out to contact them again. It may be a mistake, but, the risk is sometimes worth it. Remember, our loved ones are hurting , too. My goal this year is to make one last attempt at contact, and , if it fails, to be sure I don't blame myself, all over again. I hope that you have found some housing that will be safe for you. Have you contacted your local department on aging? They should have a list of senior housing . Let us know how you do in your search, please. Posted by BettyCM[ response to Betty CM After a long, lonely, painful winter my oldest daughter is back in my life, at least for the time being. She been helping me finding senior housing and it appears that I will be moving sometime in April. I worry all the time that this is only to get me out of everyone's way and that once I have moved they will drop me again.. I am devasted by the propect of leaving a place where I have lived for 40 years and leaving behindl my neighbors and friends. Having lost my car due to an accident I feel like I am going to prison with no way to escape.. I know this sounds paranoid but having had the experience of being cut off for some years for reasons that I don't understand how can I not feel paranoid? Has anyone had a successful reunion? elizabethh |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at March 15, 2013 4:50 PM EDT
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Posts: 956
First: September 16, 2011 Last: May 24, 2013 |
Hi,elizabethh4, it is good to hear from you again! And, good to hear you reconnected with your daughter! Moving is always difficult, and I am the one to say, since I think I have done it around 11 times?? I lost count. The places are not as important as the people. And , we can make sure we are comfortable as long as we are connected, with someone. Arpil is not that far away. Are you getting things packed, and sorting out?? That is a big job in itself! Deciding what to keep is always tough. My advice is that you make sure your daughter knows you are keeping all of the photos of her, and you cherish them. That will mean a lot to her! i have a drawing done by an 8 year old, that reminds me every day of the one I miss!! Good luck, and please let us know how you are doing with the move!! |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at March 25, 2013 11:35 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: March 25, 2013 Last: March 25, 2013 |
In Response to Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?: In Response to Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope? : My daughter has not spoken to me in 5 yrs. She is 30yrs. old and I don`t know who she is anymore. Does anyone have advice? Thanks. Geri Posted by Geri5799 Wow Geri, we have such similar stories. I have a 27 yo son who hasn't spoken to me in over 6 years and not a day goes by that I am not saddened by it. I am not willing to accept this and every so often i reach out and still send him bday and holiday cards but he never answers or aknowledges them. I never put pressure on him and apologized for whatever mistakes I made as his father. This is a "me first" culture but still we were close at one time but then in his mid teens he started drifting and at 21 he cut me off totally. I have faith in God knowing that children are a blessing from the Lord and certainly God didn't bless me with a son to be estranged from him the rest of my life. I admittedly did not have a good relationship with his mom, my ex-wife and we divorced when he was an infant but he is not especially close with her either although they speak and get together. I don't know why I am tossed aside but I will never give up on my son. Keep trying, even in small ways.
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at April 5, 2013 5:22 AM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: April 5, 2013 Last: April 5, 2013 |
My husband and I have two grown sons. our oldest boy is married and we have two grandchildren but my daughter in law says she feels like she's ever been accepted by our family. it got to be a competition between both of my daughter in laws with the oldest daughter in law of feeling she had to compete with our other dtr in law. after many and uncomfortable situations and trying to reassure her that we never felt that way then it is gotten to the point now she and our son refused to come to any family functions on our side of the family they only attend family functions with her family. We have ALL tried to reassure her that she is loved and that all the family wants is to be together. We haven't seen our grandchildren in 8 months. Our grandddaughter is 7 months, our grandson is almost 5. We all live in the same town. I have tried everything, texts to my dtr in law go unanswered. I have had to go on anti depressants and my husband is in ill health after a stroke 2 years ago. We were all very close raising our son's, always spent all our free time with them, sports music classes, school. I never ever dreamed our son would behave this way. He does try to make attempts when we try to get together, but that's just to get us pacified while he always finds an excuse or simply not respond at all. I just keep sending cards and gifts for the kids. My fear is them never knowing our wonderful family. They are missing out of so much.. I cant deal with the heartache some day's it truly does feel like a death.our youngest son is in the Navy, needless to say we don't see him and his wife much. We have found a great church and I plan to get more involved. Please, I just need reassurance that I am not the only one. We have decided to stop trying to contact them. Thanks for listing |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at April 10, 2013 8:55 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: April 10, 2013 Last: April 10, 2013 |
You know reading all of these post realy spark some anger. My parents and my sisters are prettty much estranged from one another.However they know full well why that has taken place. My mother has said she is sorry ect.However the behavior never changes. Just when I think I am going to try again and let my family back into my life wamo it happens again.I can give a great example that is going on right now.My sister adoped my CASA case. about 3 years ago.She is graduating at the end of my.I had all intentions on being there.However the school is limited on how many tickets each family will get and that is 16 tickets.Ok i have 4 daughter 3 left at home and one grown daughter that is married and on her own.My life made a huge chang a few months ago my God sons are now living with us.I told my neice that I have to have 7 ttickets.My sister said there is are only 4 for me and my family.Now keep in mind the school wedsite states that they know not all tickets will be used for each student and if not used they are allowed to give them away to other students.My sister refuses to try and find 3 extra tickets for my God sons. I get 4 tickets witch are for me and the 3 daughters I have left at home or no tickets at all.Then has my neice tell me over the phone how hurtful it is that I wont be coming.Mind you they are giving tickets to my brother in laws sister and brother witch never ever intract with there whole family unit.I will not make my boys feel out of place.They already have abandenment issues given the fact there mother walked out on them.And my family just cant understand why I want nothing to do with them.I happen to speek to my mother and her responce is well do hat you got to do.She knew all about this yesterday and has always taken my sisters side ON EVERYTHING. I hardly speek with my family and it is crap like this is the reason why. Not to be crapy or anything but had it not been for me my sister would not even have this child.I would never tell her that to her face because I dont want to be hurtful but I am sick of this crap! I gave them 3 month prior notice of the chages that were taken place in my own life that I didnt even expect to happen. Im sick and tired of being treatd like they bad guy because I refuse to take my daughters to the graduation a just expected to just blow off my God sons I WONT DO IT Does anyone here see a probem with this |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at April 24, 2013 6:11 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: April 24, 2013 Last: April 24, 2013 |
My 44 year old son; my only child has told me he doesn't want me in his life; he doesn't want to speak to me or see me. His last words to me after calling me a liar and telling me I shouldn't have had a child were "stale mate". I'm devastated. This is new behavior for him; he does have tendancies of bipolar behavior and has Epliepsy and HIV. We as a family have always supported him and especially me. Last fall he was in therapy and he took me to meet his case manager when I was visiting and we talked about his outburts he sometimes has and he stated he knew he had done it and was always feeling bad afterwards. These were intermittent but were triggered over something as simpls as me not saying where I'd want to go next while vacationing in London, or if I didn't know my way around the city he lives because I was staying in a different location geographically or if I offer words of encouragement to come out and or to sit with his doctors and help him plan for the future should it be that he would need not work. I have spoiken to his case manager that states he is being dramatic and he really needs to come back to counseling and he says he looked well and in fact really good about 4 weeks ago. What has so drastically changed... I'm beside myself - but I also can not sit and listen to him complain for two hours about his life might this or that with out offer advise to help him which nothing I say is right anyway. I'm so distraught!! And I live 3000 miles away. I've offered to come out and he doesn't want that I do not know what he wants other than to demean me for not embracing the fact his life might be over. He won't let me speak with doctors, he gives no real prognosis - just web site links with no confirmation of what he says; in fact I've been told he's really doing quite well. I just do not know what to do. |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at April 25, 2013 11:15 AM EDT
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Posts: 956
First: September 16, 2011 Last: May 24, 2013 |
Dear shortnsassi, My heart goes out to you, and to your son, while you deal with such devastating issues. HIV, alone would be enough to deal with, but, you also have the long distance relationship dilemma. The fact that you are so far away makes it very tough to help him, to know how he is doing, and to keep a good, healthy relationship with each other going strong. My best advice is for you to write to him, and tell him how you feel, and bring out the good memories that you cherish. Life is indeed short, and you have an opportunity to tell him how much you care, and how much you would like to be there for him. Sometimes I think we are forgetting about how powerful a letter can be to maintain good relationships. We are so bound by computers now. Have you ever seen the play,Loveletters It really displays the powere of the written word to our relationships?? |
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Re: Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
posted at May 8, 2013 9:16 AM EDT
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Posts: 956
First: September 16, 2011 Last: May 24, 2013 |
For all the mothers who are estranged from their children, I hope on Mother's Day you can remember the goot times, the love , and the happy days, and not dwell on what might have been . Give yourself a day to enjoy the people in your life , and cherish them. |
Forums » Relationships » Friends & Family » Estranged Family Members- How Do You Cope?
