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Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
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Caregiving
Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
<font face="arial, helvetica, sans-serif" size="1"><div>In this caregiving message board lean on others for advice, tips or just the proverbial shoulder to cry on.</div><div><br /></div></font>
Hi all, this is my first post here, and I'll get right to the point. My mother -- god bless her, she's over 80 and still hanging in there -- is, I believe suffering from dementia. She'll mix up
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Forums » Relationships » Caregiving » Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
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Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
posted at October 5, 2011 11:40 AM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: October 5, 2011 Last: October 5, 2011 |
Hi all, this is my first post here, and I'll get right to the point. My mother -- god bless her, she's over 80 and still hanging in there -- is, I believe suffering from dementia. She'll mix up times of day, think she still works her old job as a medical secretary, and, most distressingly of all, call me at odd hours telling me that her car has been stolen -- despite the fact that sh esold her car over ten years ago when she decided not to renew her license. The only problem is that she refuses to see a doctor. Everything's fine, she says. She refuses to acknowledge her problem. I want to get your advice: how do I confront my mother, and what strategy should I use to try to get her to admit that she's slipping away? I want to make sure she's safe.
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I'm the mother who someday will need caretaking
posted at October 9, 2011 3:24 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: October 9, 2011 Last: October 9, 2011 |
I read and hear so often from people with aging parents who particularly are aging mentally, thus not receptive. The problems/concerns the adult children have for their parents are overwhelmed because they are at a loss! As caregivers, you can't convince your parent(s) that foremost they need a physical and mental checkup in order to progress to the next phase of their lives - the ailing parents don't have the capacity to make that decision and probably their best defense is to either ignore or get angry at the suggestion. I'm a parent who may someday(not too far away) be in a situation where my son could be overwhelmed by decisons he'll want to make on my behalf. What do I have to have in place to insure that he won't go through this dilemma? I have a will and references for handling finances,but.... Let's say I have an assisted living place in mind, but what if I don't want to go when the time comes. Are there health care counselors who would perform at-home counselling? I bet they'd be more convincing than one's own children. Do you need some legal document? Those of you who are struggling with getting your parents the help they need - what's missing? what do you need to make this happen? |
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Re: Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
posted at November 24, 2011 11:50 AM EST
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Posts: 1
First: November 24, 2011 Last: November 24, 2011 |
I have the same interest in this topic since i am already over 55 and have other brothers that together are supporting our mother 82 that is living at an assisted living location. We have questions concerning the tax status and having to support her. Because she is at assisted living not a nursing home her status with us is unusual. Since we are paying for over half of her care can she be treated as a dependant? The real problem now is we are the elderly baby boomer group and now taking care of the elderly because there is no other resourses. SSA is not enough to pay for rent at an appartment anymore even in low income housing places will turn her away because ssa income is so low. where does one turn? |
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Re: Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
posted at December 4, 2011 11:22 AM EST
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Posts: 83
First: July 1, 2008 Last: December 4, 2011 |
My heart goes out to you that you are in this situation. I know it is not easy to assume this role with your parent. Sending prayers for you as you deal with your mother's needs. |
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Re: Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
posted at August 17, 2012 2:17 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: August 17, 2012 Last: August 17, 2012 |
You are definitely not alone. My mother is 81 and also has similar comparisons to your mother. She is living with me and I had no idea this was going to be as hard as it is now. Dealing with someone who has dementia but is otherwise healthy is like nothing else. I would like for her to be somewhere else but I know how the "assisted living" nursing homes deal with people like this. Having someone come into your home is not ideal either and it is expensive. The confinement is too much for people who are trying to work and live a normal existence. She has taken locks off my door, urinated on the carpet in her room, puts food and trash in drawers and refuses to realize she is incontinent. Sometimes but not most of the time, she can be very belligerent and make very ugly comments; kind of like living with a bully. At this time, I don't have an alternative situation or offer any advice except to say that there are going to be many more of use out there as the baby boomers baby sit the grandchildren and the grandparents. We will not have a retirement future because of the demise of the economy so the future looks pretty dim at this point. |
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Re: Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
posted at August 31, 2012 6:29 PM EDT
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Posts: 15
First: August 31, 2012 Last: January 20, 2013 |
If there is a home health care agency in your local area, you might call them and ask how best to have her evaluated. They may be able to refer you to a social worker who deals with this on a regular basis. Good luck. I know it's hard... |
Forums » Relationships » Caregiving » Caring for my mother - whether she likes it or not
