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What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
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Caregiving
What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
<font face="arial, helvetica, sans-serif" size="1"><div>In this caregiving message board lean on others for advice, tips or just the proverbial shoulder to cry on.</div><div><br /></div></font>
Our mother is 87 and has many different health issues (congestive heart failure, afib, fluid retention, one kidney, legally blind from macular degeneration, fell and broke shoulder 2 mos. ago and
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Cat:8548aeff-cf8c-4e73-ad17-e0a4380e2232Forum:7bd0772e-38a2-437e-9e64-4a31de425465Discussion:789b6791-3de0-4165-97d1-bf0b591acded
Forums » Relationships » Caregiving » What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
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What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
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What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
posted at October 7, 2012 9:57 AM EDT
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Posts: 15
First: August 31, 2012 Last: January 20, 2013 |
Our mother is 87 and has many different health issues (congestive heart failure, afib, fluid retention, one kidney, legally blind from macular degeneration, fell and broke shoulder 2 mos. ago and has become weak and barely able to walk from bed to bedside commode since, needs help feeding herself, has hallucinations off and on. In less than 2 years, she has gone from living alone with outside assistance from my brother, myself, and other caregivers, to assisted living, to hospital ICU, to rehab/nursing home and back to hospital ICU. She is now in a regular hospital room and her doctor may release her back to the rehab/nursing home in the next day or so. My husband and I live near my Mother. We work from a home based business which keeps us very busy. My brother lives a little over an hour away. He is retired, but has a business on the side which keeps him very busy. My brother and I are in our 60's and in good health, other than I am on meds for depression/anxiety. Our Mother's health status over the past two weeks has been touch and go. My brother has come to visit her once during that time. I have kept him informed of her status and he tells me to "keep him informed and let him know if there are any changes." My husband and I have been going to the hospital every day and dealing with the doctor and rehab/nursing home, which is a complicated process. About 3/4 of our annual income is made in 4 weeks during October and November and requires us to be away from home during that time. I am extremely stressed out about how to handle this situation. I've considered staying home to be available for Mother, but this would be a hardship on my husband as we both have responsibilities in our "mom and pop" business and it would be difficult for someone else to fill in for me. I've also considered hiring a caregiver to go by for a few hours every day while we're gone to provide companionship, help her with eating, make sure she's comfortable, etc. I'm wondering how much I should expect my brother to do while we are gone. Opinions? Other options I haven't thought of? |
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Re: What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
posted at October 16, 2012 8:29 AM EDT
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Posts: 20
First: April 4, 2008 Last: October 18, 2012 |
Deb, I've been in your shoes. Don't expect anything from your brother. In my experience, "keep him informed and let him know if there are any changes" means; call when she dies. Maybe I sound harsh, but that's probably the reality. My advise to you is what I finally had to do, let the people being paid to take care of your mother, take care of her. Let her caregivers know you are unavailable for the next several weeks/months but will call to check in on her. If she is in a nursing home, the caregivers should already be in place. I can't imagine why you would need to hire an additional one. Good luck and take care of yourself too. |
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Re: What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
posted at October 19, 2012 11:09 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: October 19, 2012 Last: October 19, 2012 |
we each have our own relationship with our mother. if your brother was going to help out, i think that would be happening already. possible that your brother feels that you are able and you are taking care of your mother needs. in all fairness, does your brother know about your pressing business demands that can effect your livelyhood? |
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Re: What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
posted at November 10, 2012 2:32 AM EST
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Posts: 1
First: November 10, 2012 Last: November 10, 2012 |
In Response to Re: What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?: we each have our own relationship with our mother. if your brother was going to help out, i think that would be happening already. possible that your brother feels that you are able and you are taking care of your mother needs. in all fairness, does your brother know about your pressing business demands that can effect your livelyhood? Posted by snowflake1952 Your brother may have difficulty accepting that your mother can no longer act much like a mother. My brother was used to asking our now 91-year-old mother for advice. Now, since she has developed severe Lewy Body dementia, she is unable to give much advice. Moreover, her once sharp mind is now unable to even follow much of his conversations with her. The two of them used to have regular, deep conversations about complex matters. He used to visit often but now not so often and doesn't stay long. I don't think he wants the last memories of his mother to be that of a woman who no longer intellectually resembles the mother who raised him and sustained him all of these years. Also, please be sure to tell him very specifically what you're feeling and what you want to do. Too often, we assume that anybody could see that we're drowning in our caregiving duties and need help. Please do not assume that. Additionally, I agree about getting paid help, especially during this important business season. Hang in there! |
Forums » Relationships » Caregiving » What caregiver support for mother should sister expect from brother?
