I just joined AARP today, so I haven't seen your post until now. Just so you know and understand more, I want to let you know that I also have Rheumatoid Arthritis, (AKA  R.A.). I just got it last year at the age of 49. My daughter also has it, she got it at the young age of 10 years old, now 23.  I went through hell and high water with her. All I did was cry and so did she. Of course children have a much harder time understanding why and I didn't know either. I had to care for her, send her off to school and get ready for work myself. I had no idea that I too would have this horrible and exetremely painful disease. After the recession and my office closing down, my husband died, my daughter turned 18 so she moved out and I was evicted from my home because I didn't have enough money from unemployment to pay my rent and I received the max. Anyways, I ended up being together with my husband's best friend and thank God because then I got R.A.  We are not yet married but plan on it and both of us are firm believers in for better or for worse but everyone needs "me" time as well. He cares for me in a big way too. He dresses me, trims my finger and toe nails too as well as he must get into the shower with me and wash my hair, he must brush my care, cook my meals, help me out of chairs, into bed, cleans house and all he wants to do is make sure that once my medications start to work that I can be left alone so he can find work. He loves me so much as I do him. We don't have a car so he takes the bus to the grocery store and returns in a taxi cab to our door with a full truck. Yes, this is one hard job and neither one of us ever expected. I cry alot because I am only 50 years old and I can't do hardly anything right now and also realize that there is no cure and this is how the rest of my life will be.  Not true, he must first see a G.P., (family doctor), to refer him to a Rheumatologist Specialist who will give him a prescription for medications that will help, if not, go back and tell Rheumy. They know that everyone is different and there are a lot of drugs for R.A. pain.  Educate yourself on the Internet about R.A. it is pretty serious and very painful. I have played the "caregiver" before with my daughter and worked a full time job as well. so I do understand what your going through. I am actually having a much harder time being the patient who no longer has the life she had and suffer dearly in pain as well.  Try to understand more of the living hell your husband is going through and try not to worry so much about things that don't matter. Go to facebook, they have a lot of R.A. group and search Caregivers of Autoimmune Disease Unite and another one is Friends and Family of Autoimmune Disease. These people will write you back in less than 24 hours, most of them are there all night long. That is all I have to offer you right now. I sure hope you are able to work it out with your husband!!