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From Wife To Caregiver
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Transitions
From Wife To Caregiver
<font face="arial, helvetica, sans-serif" size="1"><div>About to become a grandparent? Wondering what is next after the death of a spouse? Transitions in life can be tougher than we sometimes expect. Meet others who may be going through the same thing as you and may be able to offer wise advice.</div><div><br /></div></font>
Transitions ? There have been many in my lifetime,A divorce at age 43, going back to school, being a single mom raising two teenage sons; All of a sudden I was respnsible for myself and my future, al
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Cat:edeb10e3-fb61-498e-99ea-390824fc4299Forum:5cfb1d08-0e43-4dac-b21e-392834ecb22a
Cat:edeb10e3-fb61-498e-99ea-390824fc4299Forum:5cfb1d08-0e43-4dac-b21e-392834ecb22aDiscussion:48e5699c-7043-43d8-9bc1-b51cd6688f58
Forums » Personal Growth » Transitions » From Wife To Caregiver
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From Wife To Caregiver
posted at July 15, 2011 10:49 AM EDT
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Posts: 6510
First: March 16, 2008 Last: May 18, 2013 |
Transitions ? There have been many in my lifetime,A divorce at age 43, going back to school, being a single mom raising two teenage sons; All of a sudden I was respnsible for myself and my future, although this was certainly life changing, Nothing prepared me for my role as caregiver after 16 years of marriage to my second husband !
My husbands Alzheimers dx was the changing point, I had always considered myself a strong person, but these past two and a half years have been an eye-opener ! I miss the man I used to be able to lean on if I needed to; Although he was the one who encouraged me to follow my dreams and be my own person. He was the most "unneedy" person I had ever met, so independent, I think that was what drew me to him in the first place....I admired that, he could do anything ! Strong, gentle, laid back, happy, loved music and dancing, and boy, How he danced ! I loved it... He still loves it, the music, on our daily, and sometimes "twice daily" drives through the country, (I'm driving), We sit in the cab of the the truck and listen to classic rock, and sing along, somehow he still knows all the words, ...And he's happy and content, with the scenery, the music and me... If I could do this 24/7 our life would be easier, With all the losses he's suffered, the most difficult are the swift and sometimes paranoid mood swings...A complete turnaround for this kind and gentle man...and even though I know it's the disease, it still hurts, because the wife in me remembers the man he was, while the caregiver does whatever works at any given time to make his life more comfortible.... |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at July 16, 2011 9:38 AM EDT
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Posts: 4623
First: October 16, 2008 Last: May 16, 2013 |
In Response to From Wife To Caregiver: I am sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult transition, life puts us in situations where we have to find all the strength necessary to cope with whatever comes our way. Based on what you wrote you have what it takes to be able to take care of your husband and do all what is necessary to make his life easy. Don't forget to take care of yourself also, care givers give so much of themselves that they forget that it is very important not to neglect themselves. I have never experienced any situation like the one you are going through. however some of my friends have. Have you join any support group for Alzheimer's care givers? They might have some good tips that you may be able to use. Take care and God Bless you. Sara. Transitions ? There have been many in my lifetime,A divorce at age 43, going back to school, being a single mom raising two teenage sons; All of a sudden I was respnsible for myself and my future, although this was certainly life changing, Nothing prepared me for my role as caregiver after 16 years of marriage to my second husband ! My husbands Alzheimers dx was the changing point, I had always considered myself a strong person, but these past two and a half years have been an eye-opener ! I miss the man I used to be able to lean on if I needed to; Although he was the one who encouraged me to follow my dreams and be my own person. He was the most "unneedy" person I had ever met, so independent, I think that was what drew me to him in the first place....I admired that, he could do anything ! Strong, gentle, laid back, happy, loved music and dancing, and boy, How he danced ! I loved it... He still loves it, the music, on our daily, and sometimes "twice daily" drives through the country, (I'm driving), We sit in the cab of the the truck and listen to classic rock, and sing along, somehow he still knows all the words, ...And he's happy and content, with the scenery, the music and me... If I could do this 24/7 our life would be easier, With all the losses he's suffered, the most difficult are the swift and sometimes paranoid mood swings...A complete turnaround for this kind and gentle man...and even though I know it's the disease, it still hurts, because the wife in me remembers the man he was, while the caregiver does whatever works at any given time to make his life more comfortible.... Posted by jen43 |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at July 16, 2011 2:40 PM EDT
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Posts: 6510
First: March 16, 2008 Last: May 18, 2013 |
In Response to Re: From Wife To Caregiver: In Response to From Wife To Caregiver : I am sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult transition, life puts us in situations where we have to find all the strength necessary to cope with whatever comes our way. Based on what you wrote you have what it takes to be able to take care of your husband and do all what is necessary to make his life easy. Don't forget to take care of yourself also, care givers give so much of themselves that they forget that it is very important not to neglect themselves. I have never experienced any situation like the one you are going through. however some of my friends have. Have you join any support group for Alzheimer's care givers? They might have some good tips that you may be able to use. Take care and God Bless you. Sara. Posted by saravdw Thank you Sara, For your response, No I haven't joined a support group yet, at this point in time, it is really stressful for him if I go somewhere without him, I would have to get someone to stay with him, and ironically that indenpendency that I so admired is still there , in that he insists he's fine, but when I return I find him very moody and upset, because he thinks I left him for good, and even though I leave notes to remind him where I am, That doesn't work , because he of course forgets to read them....My daughter is my support system, she takes us both out for a day, and he is surprisingly fine with that, and has a good time, and the company of my daughter is good for me...... I have to steal time for myself, when he's napping or at night when he's sleeping, it gives me time for myself, to read, to paint,,, Right now he is outside sitting in the shade, the dog is with him, she watches over him like a mother hen....We will go for our ride shortly, and we both enjoy that, Again Thank you for your kind words, they are appreciated....Jen |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at July 17, 2011 9:30 PM EDT
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Posts: 4623
First: October 16, 2008 Last: May 16, 2013 |
Dear Jen: It is understandable that you don't want to leave your husband alone. The Alzheimer's Association has a Blog, and I think the AARP has also a group in that field. You might want to check them out. I have had diabetes type 2 for many year now, and I joined a blog in the American Diabetes Association. It is helpful and interesting to read some of the posts. Take care. Sara. In Response to Re: From Wife To Caregiver: In Response to Re: From Wife To Caregiver : Thank you Sara, For your response, No I haven't joined a support group yet, at this point in time, it is really stressful for him if I go somewhere without him, I would have to get someone to stay with him, and ironically that indenpendency that I so admired is still there , in that he insists he's fine, but when I return I find him very moody and upset, because he thinks I left him for good, and even though I leave notes to remind him where I am, That doesn't work , because he of course forgets to read them....My daughter is my support system, she takes us both out for a day, and he is surprisingly fine with that, and has a good time, and the company of my daughter is good for me...... I have to steal time for myself, when he's napping or at night when he's sleeping, it gives me time for myself, to read, to paint,,, Right now he is outside sitting in the shade, the dog is with him, she watches over him like a mother hen....We will go for our ride shortly, and we both enjoy that, Again Thank you for your kind words, they are appreciated....Jen Posted by jen43 |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at July 17, 2011 9:49 PM EDT
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Posts: 6510
First: March 16, 2008 Last: May 18, 2013 |
In Response to Re: From Wife To Caregiver: Dear Jen: It is understandable that you don't want to leave your husband alone. The Alzheimer's Association has a Blog, and I think the AARP has also a group in that field. You might want to check them out. I have had diabetes type 2 for many year now, and I joined a blog in the American Diabetes Association. It is helpful and interesting to read some of the posts. Take care. Sara. In Response to Re: From Wife To Caregiver : Posted by saravdw Thank You Sara, I will check them out, Jen |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at August 9, 2011 6:08 PM EDT
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Posts: 954
First: July 18, 2009 Last: May 17, 2013 |
Jen, I finally made it here after finding your heading in the daily digest. When I was in nursing I sometimes had to work with Alzheimer's, and it was difficult,and I would see what the family members would go thru, and it was sad at times. With my mother who lives in Canada, and insist on living in her home, I find that since her many heart problems, that she becomes forgetful, and also lies to me about how she feels. I have tried to suggest things to her that would make her life easier, but she wants to do everything the hard way. I finally got her to agree to a caregiver coming in and helping her, and she has been a blessing. I think what is so upsetting, is that I remember how my mother was a very strong independent woman, and now she bearly gets around, and she cannot cook for herself anymore, that why we had to finally get a caregiver. Sometimes I feel guilty because I think I should be there to take care of her, and I have tried to do this, but everytime I would suggest something she would argue with me, at least with the caregiver, she does what she is told. My point in all this is that I think it is so difficult to cope with situation likes yours, but we have this inner strengh or stubborness that won't let us give up. I can not even imagine what it must be like, but I do know what it was like working with Alzheimers. I found that sometimes they would look at you like a hunted animal, with so much fear and that was when they would get combative. I also found that when they get to the stage where they do not remember you at all, that go along with whatever happens. I had a family member who use to come and see her mother, and it had got to where her mother would not remember her daughter, so her daughter would tell her that she is a friend of hers, and she was in the area, and thought she would visit. Her mother excepted that with no problems. It was hard for the daughter, but she realize that to try to convince her mother who she was became too upsetting for her and her mother. I don't know you personally, but I think you will make it, you may have a few bumps in the road, but than you will have some smooth spots as well. |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at August 9, 2011 7:11 PM EDT
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Posts: 6510
First: March 16, 2008 Last: May 18, 2013 |
Thank you for telling me about your mother, it always helps to know that others understand. At this time he still knows me and the family, and there are those days when I catch a glimps of the man I knew, I dread the time when he will look at me and have no memory of us...but I don't dwell on it, I try to take each day as it comes, and cherish the good ones, and try to work through the bad ones; I lost my mother to this disease so I'm not unfamiliar with it, and I worked in a nursing home for over 14 years, but it's a whole new ball game when it becomes so personal ! Again, Thank you for your comments, they are appreciated, So glad you took the time to post.. |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at August 20, 2011 8:41 PM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: August 20, 2011 Last: August 20, 2011 |
I can relate to what your going through. My second husband (of 23yrs) had kidney failure. The first seven or eight years were wonderful, excieting with trips to the coast, disney, camping, ect. Then he found out he was diabetic, and a short time later went on dialysis due to kidney failure. We had a home unit that he had to use daily (nightly), but he needed a lot of assistance and medication. He to was very independent, on the go all time - working every chance he got. The last couple years he was sick an awful lot, and in and out of the hospital many times. It was stressful many times, and I prayed a lot. This past June he went into the hospital, after a month in ICU we thought he was doing better. I was with him every day, and would do it all again if I had the chance. But, on July 5 after a dialysis treatment he ended up on life support, and July 6 he passed on. I feel lost now, I miss having him to take care of, and hearing him during the night. - but he was ready to go, and won;t suffer anymore. I try to take comfort in knowing that. I miss him terribly. In Response to From Wife To Caregiver: Transitions ? There have been many in my lifetime,A divorce at age 43, going back to school, being a single mom raising two teenage sons; All of a sudden I was respnsible for myself and my future, although this was certainly life changing, Nothing prepared me for my role as caregiver after 16 years of marriage to my second husband ! My husbands Alzheimers dx was the changing point, I had always considered myself a strong person, but these past two and a half years have been an eye-opener ! I miss the man I used to be able to lean on if I needed to; Although he was the one who encouraged me to follow my dreams and be my own person. He was the most "unneedy" person I had ever met, so independent, I think that was what drew me to him in the first place....I admired that, he could do anything ! Strong, gentle, laid back, happy, loved music and dancing, and boy, How he danced ! I loved it... He still loves it, the music, on our daily, and sometimes "twice daily" drives through the country, (I'm driving), We sit in the cab of the the truck and listen to classic rock, and sing along, somehow he still knows all the words, ...And he's happy and content, with the scenery, the music and me... If I could do this 24/7 our life would be easier, With all the losses he's suffered, the most difficult are the swift and sometimes paranoid mood swings...A complete turnaround for this kind and gentle man...and even though I know it's the disease, it still hurts, because the wife in me remembers the man he was, while the caregiver does whatever works at any given time to make his life more comfortible.... Posted by jen43 |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at August 21, 2011 3:27 PM EDT
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Posts: 6510
First: March 16, 2008 Last: May 18, 2013 |
In Response to Re: From Wife To Caregiver: I can relate to what your going through. My second husband (of 23yrs) had kidney failure. The first seven or eight years were wonderful, excieting with trips to the coast, disney, camping, ect. Then he found out he was diabetic, and a short time later went on dialysis due to kidney failure. We had a home unit that he had to use daily (nightly), but he needed a lot of assistance and medication. He to was very independent, on the go all time - working every chance he got. The last couple years he was sick an awful lot, and in and out of the hospital many times. It was stressful many times, and I prayed a lot. This past June he went into the hospital, after a month in ICU we thought he was doing better. I was with him every day, and would do it all again if I had the chance. But, on July 5 after a dialysis treatment he ended up on life support, and July 6 he passed on. I feel lost now, I miss having him to take care of, and hearing him during the night. - but he was ready to go, and won;t suffer anymore. I try to take comfort in knowing that. I miss him terribly. In Response to From Wife To Caregiver : Posted by shirl4939 Hello Shirl, So sorry to hear of your recent loss, it's always so hard on the one who is left to carry on....Being a caregiver is both a joyful and stressful job, but like me you probably did not consider it a job, but rather something that you just do, not because you feel it's your "duty", but because you love them, and they are part of your life, of who, and what we are....I hope that with time, things will be easier for you... |
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Re: From Wife To Caregiver
posted at August 23, 2011 10:30 AM EDT
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Posts: 1
First: August 23, 2011 Last: August 23, 2011 |
We share nearly "word for word" the same story to a point. I had to make the move to admit my sweetie to a nursing facility in Feb. I wish the option was to just rip my heart out. I go every single day. We just celebrated our 26th anniversary last week. There is so much that is hard with all of this, but one thing that stands out is how careful he always was with grooming and personal care. To watch things happen that would horrify him if he knew...breaks my heart. I would love to be in touch with you. I must leave now to look after my "better" half. He will forever be that! n Response to From Wife To Caregiver: Transitions ? There have been many in my lifetime,A divorce at age 43, going back to school, being a single mom raising two teenage sons; All of a sudden I was respnsible for myself and my future, although this was certainly life changing, Nothing prepared me for my role as caregiver after 16 years of marriage to my second husband ! My husbands Alzheimers dx was the changing point, I had always considered myself a strong person, but these past two and a half years have been an eye-opener ! I miss the man I used to be able to lean on if I needed to; Although he was the one who encouraged me to follow my dreams and be my own person. He was the most "unneedy" person I had ever met, so independent, I think that was what drew me to him in the first place....I admired that, he could do anything ! Strong, gentle, laid back, happy, loved music and dancing, and boy, How he danced ! I loved it... He still loves it, the music, on our daily, and sometimes "twice daily" drives through the country, (I'm driving), We sit in the cab of the the truck and listen to classic rock, and sing along, somehow he still knows all the words, ...And he's happy and content, with the scenery, the music and me... If I could do this 24/7 our life would be easier, With all the losses he's suffered, the most difficult are the swift and sometimes paranoid mood swings...A complete turnaround for this kind and gentle man...and even though I know it's the disease, it still hurts, because the wife in me remembers the man he was, while the caregiver does whatever works at any given time to make his life more comfortible.... Posted by jen43 |
Forums » Personal Growth » Transitions » From Wife To Caregiver
