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Who do you talk to when there is no one to talk to?
posted at October 14, 2012 3:00 AM EDT
First: October 14, 2012
Last: October 14, 2012
|I've just come to the realization that I am completely alone and have no one to talk to if I have a problem. I don't know why this has not happened before now, it should have, but who am I to question life? I need to talk to somone about a current problem I'm having and I just discovered this forum so I'm going to sit here and talk to my computer and try and stay focused on this one problem. Here goes. Ron and I met in our old neighborhood about 20 years ago, I was 40 and he was 41. We became friends mostly because we were in similar situations being single, no siblings, and caregivers to mothers with problems from cancer to diabetes and all sorts of things that causes. On some weekends we would get together and go out to hoot n holler for a day or 2 then go home and return to the grind. Because of the hell of the caregiving we were doing, we didn't really have a circle of friends, mostly just the 2 of us trying to forget our homelives. Eventually, both our charges died about 15 years ago and due to the costs and financial strain on both our families, we were all broke! He got his own small apt, I got mine, we drifted apart a few years, both living paycheck to paycheck, barely. About 8 years ago we ran into each other and since living was so damn tight, though it would be a good idea to split the cost of a 2 bedroom apt., so we did. I was a bit concerned at first, especially since we were not kids and both was kind of locked into out ways and kwirks, but it seemed to work out because I work nights, he worked days, we passed each other and just occasionlly shared a day or 2 off. This gave us a lot of space to be ourselves. Now, at 60 and 61 years old, we both have our aches n pains n issues, but, I don't know about Ron, but I have to at least work until I'm 70 ( if I live that long ) to make any money from social security to pay rent and bills. Ron has some issues with veins in his legs and heart problems he inherited from his mom, but he has insurance and it's all treatable to be maintained. I noticed over the past several months that I would cme home from work a lot of mornings and Ron would be sitting there on the couch and I would ask him if he was going in late today. He'd say no, he wan't feeling well so he just called off. Nothing he has to go to a doctor for, just to hand around the apartment. That was okay, people do have that happen sometimes. It turned into almost every week, I still don't know why he hasn't been fired. The plans I've made for those days all had to be cancelled, changed, moved, because most of the budding friendships I was developing saw me during the day when he was suppose to be at work. No on ever met him and that was my intent because I didn't want our lives intertwined. About a month ago, he did it again, was sitting there when I got home from work, he didn't feel good, called off, I changed all my plans. When he was due to go back in, he went in for 2 days and to my surprise, took 10 days off for a vacation. To do nothing but sit, watch tv and eat. I changed my plans with friends again for 2 weeks. This wasn't easy for me. He's there when I get home, there when I go to work, there on my day off, I get up to use the bathroom, he's there, I hit the refrigerator, he's there. I'm really starting to resent him but, I figure vacation is over, we can get back to our own spaces now. The night before he is set to go back to work, he wants me to drop him off at the hospital on my way to work because he sudenly can hardly walk, his ankles hurt. The next morning I find out yes he does had issues with his ankles but it's a treatable condition, he is suppose to contact his doctor for follow up. He calls his doctor right in front of me and asks for an appointment, dosen't tell them he is in all this pain, sit there and jokes with the nurse on the phone, there is no hurry for follow up, they give him an appointment for NEXT WEEK! I just got up and walked away and went to bed for the day. When I got up that night to get ready for work, I asked him what is going on because I can't deal with yet another week of his presence. He tells me he is going to his doctor and have the doctor sign some papers saying he has to go on short term disability from work because he already has the ER paperwork for evidence. I seriously almost lost it. He's walking around fine. I just said to him ' I'm having trouble with this whole thing, I don't know if I can take it being around someone 7 days a week 24 hours a day. My enjoyment of home, space, developing new friendships, have all been taken away because he wants to sit and let his muscles go twards atrophy. His reply to me was 'oh'. Thats it. I haven't talked to him for the past few days, I just go home and force myself right to bed till it's time to get up for work and I can't live like this. I don't even know if I can swing paying everything without his donation but I'm getting to the point that if I have to live on bread and beans, my insides won't be torn up as they are. Am I making any sense?? Can anyone give me any feedback on how to handle this ?? How can someone not get that what they are doing is just not right?? I need some help. this is really eating me up and I dont even want to go into my own place tomorrow morning because there he sits.|