In many scams, your parents may be targeted more often than other age groups and fall victim more often, too. And once burned, they may be hit up again as easy marks.
All this is made easier for the scammers if you live elsewhere, unable to run interference on incoming phone calls, emails and mailed letters from con artists. Giving your parents stern warnings or demanding power of attorney to control their finances may seem like the way to go — but often those tactics come with nasty emotional fallout.
"When protectors take over finances or lecture parents about their mistake, it plays right into the scammers' hands by threatening the target's independence," says Anthony Pratkanis, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Cruz, and coauthor of Weapons of Fraud with AARP's Douglas Shadel. "For scam victims to admit they were wrong means they're stupid and unable to take care of themselves," Shadel said.
So how can you help without hurting their feelings? Here are four approaches that might work:
1. Don't just tell your parent to hang up or throw out the letter. Have a talk about why. You can't win a contest you didn't enter, Dad. You never have to pay fees to collect lottery winnings, Mom. Government agencies don't make unsolicited phone calls and never ask for personal information — why would they? They've already got it on file.
2. Don't shame or blame. Remind them what they taught you decades ago: Don't trust strangers — especially those seeking personal information and money.
3. Try some reverse psychology. If you become aware that an aged parent is playing a sweepstakes or making a "double your money" investment, ask how you can do the same. Psychologists say this tactic sometimes prompts a warning — your parent doesn't want you to lose money, too. That's your cue to ask, "Then why do you do it?" This could start a conversation that helps the parent come to terms with the scam.
4. Turn patsies into protectors. Talk with your victimized parents about how their experience could be important for other people facing the same situation: "The authorities are looking for these guys, so maybe you can help others." This may make them willing to part with the details of what happened.
In the meantime, keep alert for warning signs. If you don't live nearby, ask a trusted neighbor to be your eyes and ears. What kind of mail is coming into the house? Does there seem to be a pattern of scam callers on the phone? These could suggest that your folks are on "sucker lists" for sweepstakes and "investment opportunities." These lists are developed and sold among scammers to identify past victims as candidates for future fraud.