He Dreams of Jeannie (and Jennifer—Sometimes Both!)

What's scaring you, it strikes me, is your assumption that his definition of a fantasy matches yours. But whereas you see fantasies as wish fulfillment or concrete longing, what if he sees them as harmless indulgences? Women's fantasies, according to a study reported in Psychological Bulletin, are more likely to be charged with emotion and romance. Male fantasies, by contrast, tend to be more overtly sexual.

So let your guy have a little space to roam in his head — he'll be less likely to roam from your bedroom.

Q: I am 64 years old and have six children. I have never had a climax. I would feel wet, but I've never felt that good feeling. I've always felt uptight, like I had to release something. Am I normal?

A: Orgasm can be an automatic reaction to sexual stimulation, but easy access to a climax just isn't in the cards for many women.

Not uncommonly, women experience their first orgasm in their 30s or later, even if they have a regular sexual partner. It's not so much a performance gap as a knowledge gap: If a woman doesn't know how to build sexual tension into a climax, her pleasure plateaus and no release occurs.

The good news? Any woman can learn to have an orgasm at any age. So unless your sticking point has a physiological origin — worth checking out, though it's seldom the cause of anorgasmia — the following "climax directions" should help you hit the high notes.

It's encouraging that you have shown signs of sexual arousal in the past. The clitoris stays sensitive for a lifetime, and vaginal lubrication means that your blood supply to the vaginal area is adequate for arousal and that your nerve endings are firing. You're halfway home!

Now you need to intensify the stimulation. Don't turn to your husband just yet, however; instead, buy a vibrator (available online from such "safe sites" as drugstore.com or goodvibes.com). Whatever device you choose should feature several speeds, enabling you to experiment with light or more intense vibration, direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. Some women like a combo vibrator such as the Rabbit, which stimulates the clitoris and vagina at the same time. The key, however, is clitoral contact: One reason it's harder to have an orgasm during intercourse than while masturbating is that the penis does not hit the clitoral nerves as directly as a vibrator does.

Maintain vibration as sensation starts to increase, but be careful not to keep the vibrator directly on the clitoris too long; this delicate organ can become numb, then irritated, if you overdo the contact.

As you start to get really turned on, consciously increase the muscle tension in your legs and upper torso. Here's how: Just squeeze the same muscles you use to stop the flow of urine. This tension helps stimulate the nerves even more. Keep this dynamic duo (tension and vibration) going, and you should have an orgasm.

Now that you know what pattern of stimulation leads to an orgasm, a climax during intercourse should likewise be possible. Experiment with your husband to see what positions (or combination of thrusting and clitoral stroking) steadily build your excitement. Tell him when you are getting close and ask him not to stop whatever will take you over the top.

If I've made this sound complicated, it's not. Your orgasms will become easier to have over time. So try to stop fretting about the goal you're trying to reach; when a woman embraces sensation and lets her body take over, a happy ending often results.