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Great Sex Without Intercourse

Older couples can look forward to trying out these creative alternatives

Alternatives for Men
Hand massage of the penis is key to sex without intercourse. Many men over 50 often get a firm erection during solo sex but find that a partner's strokes do not achieve the same effect. Why? Because women may not appreciate exactly how men like to be fondled. The solution? Men can show women what they want. This may feel awkward for both partners at first, but it helps the woman provide precisely what the man desires.

Fellatio is another cornerstone of great sex without intercourse. Oral sex can provide men with great pleasure — even if the penis is only partially erect.

Contrary to myth, a full erection is not necessary for ejaculation and orgasm. If men receive sufficiently vigorous stimulation, it's still quite possible for them to have a marvelous orgasm with only a partial erection (or even a flaccid penis).

Couples trying sex without intercourse might also experiment with a penis sleeve — an artificial vagina or mouth that, when lubricated, feels much like the real thing. Sold by sex-toy marketers, penis sleeves are easy to incorporate in partner lovemaking. They are recommended for men whose erections are neither firm nor persistent enough for vaginal intercourse.

Alternatives for Women
Not only are hand massage and cunnilingus readily available to couples who can't manage intercourse, they're also more likely to bring women to orgasm. Only 25 percent of all women are reliably orgasmic during intercourse. That means three-quarters of women of all ages must have direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm.

When men have iffy erections, women can use a dildo or vibrator to achieve that filled-up feeling. Women might use these toys on themselves as their partner watches or gently caresses them. Or men might gently slide well-lubricated toys into their well-lubricated partners. To more closely replicate intercourse, men might also try wearing a strap-on dildo. Sex-toy marketers offer dildos, vibrators and strap-ons.

Great Sex for Life
After decades of straight-down-the-fairway intercourse, it can be a challenge to discover the joys of reaching the green without it. This is a transition that will require both physical and emotional adjustments. But once you master the techniques, you'll be on the road to mutually fulfilling lovemaking for the rest of your lives.

Note: Some people object to oral sex and/or sex toys, and that's just fine; no one should feel pressured to have sex in ways that cause distress. Older couples interested in customizing sex to their individual tastes might consult a sex therapist. Recommendations are available from the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists; the Society for Sex Therapy and Research; and the American Board of Sexology.

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