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Older Sex: Best You Ever Had?

It's time to learn the ABCs of 'sexual outercourse'

Women are more likely to get the sex they want

As older men slow the pace and learn to enjoy playful whole-body massage, women get more of what they've always wanted. Many resent men less; they relax and enjoy sex more, boosting their erotic responsiveness — and inventiveness.

Concerns about pregnancy and contraception disappear

Remember how scared you were of knocking her up? Condoms, diaphragms, the Pill — "That's all way in the past," as John Mayall liked to swat away audience requests for "Room to Move." Older couples can make love with no anxiety about its consequences. This new freedom allows deeper relaxation, which amplifies erotic pleasure.

The kids are gone — finally!

Many couples enjoy music during lovemaking. Some like to whoop it up. But when teen or young adult children are still at home, their coming and going at all hours can keep parents from coming at any hour.

Once the nest empties, this issue disappears: Lovemaking can be enjoyed any time at any volume — and anywhere around the house!

Adapting to the sexual changes of older adulthood is no picnic. This can be especially so for men, who seem to find change most challenging when it hits below the belt. But if you're willing to swap intercourse for outercourse, you may delight in the discovery that older sex can be the best of your life.

Michael Castleman, publisher of, writes about sex for AARP Media.

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