4. Don't forget the lube, dude. In just seconds, lubricant makes women's (and men's) genitals more erotically sensitive, so it helps women have orgasms. In addition, for women experiencing post-menopausal vaginal dryness, sex without a lubricant (be it saliva or a product purchased from a drug store aisle) may simply feel uncomfortable.

Never squirt lubricant directly on a woman's genitals, however; the sensation can be cold and jarring. Instead, squeeze some into your hand, rub it with your fingers to warm it, then touch her. Lubricants are available at pharmacies — near the condoms, logically enough.

5. Get out of that rut! Ever notice how sex feels more arousing when you and your partner are on a romantic vacation? That's because you've broken the routine. If you're interested in the science behind this, the brain chemical dopamine, a neurotransmitter, governs arousal. As dopamine rises, so does arousal — and the likelihood of orgasm.

And what raises dopamine?

Novelty.

So try something different — anything different. Make love in a new location, in a different way, at a different time, or with a different ambience (think candlelight, music or sex toys). Try bathing or showering together beforehand, or treat yourselves to professional massages.

6. Take a vibrator to bed. Yes, I did just "go there," because even if you adopt all the tips above, some women still have trouble with orgasm; they need the intense stimulation that only a vibrator can provide. One-third of American women own a vibrator today, but few couples include the device in partner sex. Some men fear being "replaced" — did power tools replace carpenters? No; they merely do the job more efficiently. A sex toy cannot kiss and cuddle, make a woman laugh or say "I love you." It can do just one thing, and some women need that one thing to have an orgasm. So hold her close and invite her to use the vibrator.

The bottom line: Discard the notion of "giving" your partner an orgasm. In a loving relationship, the man's job is to create an erotic context that is comfortable, relaxed and sufficiently arousing that the woman can, in multiple ways, let go.

Published July 2012

Also of Interest

• 7 steps to resolve your sexual desire differences
  
• 10 medications that can make you depressed
  

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